I am having so much TROUBLE...

I am having so much trouble with show vs. tell. Is there some key words or phrases that warn you that you are telling and not showing. It's like I just can't seem to grasp it.

And another thing...

When your character is thinking of something that someone else said to them, do you put the words in quotation marks or italics or what.

For instance:

Lisa remembered the words of her dead grandmother, < Never give up.>

How shoud "Never give up" be written?

Any help with the show vs. tell thing would be so greatly appreciated.

~~Tammy:head :head :head

Show don't Tell

I hate that phrase! It's one of those things that grate my nerves like nails on a chalkboard! :ack

Telling the story is very hard to get away from because in a sense, you're telling us a story. However, in order to pull your reader into the story...which is what the goal of a good story is, you need to show them. How, you ask? By using the five senses. See, hear, feel, speak, taste and touch. (yeah, I know....you knew those.) You also want to use Sense of time, sense of space and sense of the unknown.

One way to help with the show/tell thing is to think of your book in terms of a movie. Step into each character and describe what it is you are feeling at that time in your story. If they're scared....describe how it feels....your heart races, your chest tightens, etc.
Make your character's more three dimensional by showing what they're feeling and how they're feeling it.

Sorry if this became too long winded.... But I hope it helps. I have a few websites that may help...let me know if you want them. Also....pick up the book WordPainting by Rebecca McClanahan...its very helpful as well.

Good luck.

Terri

Hey Tammy -- there are others here who could probably give better 'show vs tell' examples, but I'll give it a shot if you are willing to bear with me.

Tell: It was cold.

Show: Mindy stepped out onto the porch and goosebumps appeared on her forearms within seconds. She wrapped her arms around her torso, but nothing could keep the wind from biting through her thin blouse. It might be freezing out here, but it was worse inside ... with him.

show tell discussion

Tammy,
I recall we had a long discussion with you about this recently. You were given many examples then.

My suggestion to you now is to write as much as you can. Don't think too hard about show/tell issues.

I had trouble with the show/tell concept, and also POV when I first learned novel writing. People, books and a very good teacher explained it to me, but the idea was invisible. I couldn't see it in writing.

The only way I got it was by writing a lot. Eventually I knew how to do it as second nature. Also, learning to critique other writing helped.

More than anything, writing and writing will get it into your system.

When I taught myself guitar years ago, I didn't think I was physically capable of playing bar cords. I could see my finger across the neck, I'd press down, but the sound was dead. One day, to my shock, I was able to make those bar chords. Persistence was the key.

Same thing learning to ride a bike. My Dad had put up the training wheels, and I didn't know I was riding like a grownup until I stopped and he showed me the trainers were off the ground.

Good luck.

show versus tell

What helped me with show versus tell was having someone explain that tell is a statement, show is a description.

"It was cold" is a statement, so it's tell.

"When Lucille got out of bed just before daylight, she had to break a thin layer of ice in the wash basin before rinsing her face" is a description that shows it's cold.

I think the trick is to never actually make a statement that says what you mean. Instead, write a description that shows what you mean.

Never say, "The dog was mean." That's tell.

Instead, show the dog is mean by describing his actions. "The dog snarled deep in its throat and bared its fangs. Then, almost too fast to follow, the great body lunged forward."

In a sense, you tell everything in a story. The question becomes do you tell it with statements or with description. Statements are tell, descriptions are show.

If you use description, and if you use active verbs, you get show, and will probably avoid passive writing at the same time.

Re: show versus tell

Great 'description', James. :thumbs

See? I told you there were others who could explain it better than me.

Re: show versus tell

Have you ever play a game in which you must describe something without actually saying what it is? Play that game...

Use the five senses, and add actions.

There are different levels of show vs. tell... it all depends on what levels of detail you want.

"It's cold." -- totally telling. Very high level. Doesn't tell us much but it can be a good, quick statement to get us from one point to another when details are not necessary.

"The windshield is covered with ice." -- a low level of showing. Yes, you're telling us it's cold without saying it's cold, but there're not enough details. It's only slightly better than "it's cold."

"She cracks a thin layer of ice on her windshield..." -- a good level of showing. Some actions. Some descriptions. Concise wordings.

"With her numb fingers and fists she hits the layer of ice, thin as crackers but hard as stone, over and again until it starts to crack and chip off..." -- much more detail, using some or all of the five senses. Sometimes this much detail is overkill (how long will your book be? :b ) but it's very evocative.

As a writer/artist, you dictate how much show vs. tell you need. Sometimes telling is not only unavoidable, it's actually preferred. Not everyone paints like Monet... and even Monet didn't paint every stroke with the same details.

Control of showing/telling

"As a writer/artist, you dictate how much show vs. tell you need. Sometimes telling is not only unavoidable, it's actually preferred. Not everyone paints like Monet... and even Monet didn't paint every stroke with the same details."

I think this is an important concept. To some extent, you need to gear the level of detail to the importance of the event. For example, if your character is starving, you might want to linger on the smell coming from the restaurant and his reaction to it. It the character is going to the restaurant to to meet a woman for an assignation, the smell would probably not be important. A lot of what makes the difference between memorable and mediocre writing lies in the selection and amount of detail. Sometimes you need just a single detail to make a minor character come to life instead of being flat. Sometimes you need more complex descriptions. Occasionally you simply need a flat statement. And if you use those flat, plain statements carefully, they can pack a lot of punch.

Take a look at some of the share your work samples on this board and see if you can see the difference between telling and showing. In the beginning, it is often easier to see in other people's writing than your own.

Why is everyone so cold??

It's summer for crying out loud!

Good examples so far....hope you're getting it.

here's one with dialogue.

"I'm bored!" Jeremy dropped onto the sofa with a world-weary sigh. "Can we do something fun?"

(okay...that's my son...everyday!)

Dialogue is where you will really need to watch the telling.

show

"I'm bored!" Jeremy dropped onto the sofa with a world-weary sigh. "Can we do something fun?"

If you simply leave off the statement, this becomes a good way to show boredom instead of telling.

"Jeremy dropped onto the sofa with a world-weary sigh. "Can we do something fun?"

It is important to note that sometimes tell is a good thing, just as sometimes passive is a good thing.

But it's more important to know when you're telling and when you're showing. Tell should never be used because you don't know the difference.

Re: show

Jeremy dropped onto the sofa with a world-weary sigh. "Can we do something fun?"

Click to expand...

Even "world-weary" is telling. Again, think of the game. Imagine the scene/action like a movie, and now, describe it without using any words that tell of "boredom," "weariness," etc.

Tell then show--no no

"I'm bored!" Jeremy dropped onto the sofa with a world-weary sigh. "Can we do something fun?"

Click to expand...

This is what I call tell then show, first you tell the reader what they should get out of your showing part, then show it--

Try to avoid it.

Shawn

Tell then show--no no

This would actually be considered a 'beat', a way to break up the dialogue with a character action. Granted, this isn't long winded dialogue, but it also sets the tone of voice.
In my example you can clearly hear the *whine* in J's voice as you read, without the "I'm bored" there is no whine. Although, since my 9yr old constantly whines about this....I guess I'm used to how it should sound.
You can try to avoid it as much as possible, but as stated earlier (by someone else)....sometimes telling is okay.
And before derogatory labels start stabbing me, pick up any best-seller and see how much telling there is.

telling

Sometimes telling is not only okay, it's the best way of getting something across. Most often, if you can show, then you should. But tell is very effective in the right place, and quite often there's no need to show when tell does the job easier and quicker.

Each time is a choice based on many factors. Sometimes it's as simple as ease, sometimes a given action doesn't deserve show, and sometimes tell is simply more realistic.

Real people often tell other people things, rather than showing them. In particular, dialogue often should use tell. Tell is really what dialogue is, more often than not.

Narrative more often demands show, but even there tell is often the best choice.

Just know the differene, use each intentionally, and base which to use on flow, pace, rhythm, importance, and realism.

And you don't have to worry much about eithe rin the first draft.

"Show, don't tell" is a very good rule, but you can't and shouldn't show everything.

Re: telling

Just as I said before, how much showing vs. telling depends on the scene, the situation, and the writer's style.

However, back to the original question. We are trying to show Tammy what show vs. tell is. Thus, this sentence:

"I'm bored!" He dropped on the sofa with his world-weary eyes. "Let's do something."

Click to expand...

...is a poor example of show vs. tell. It's basically "tell" disguised as show.

I'm late, I'm late...

Chiming in late is just barely better than not at all, but I have to second maestro--as teaching examples go, this world-weary kid business just doesn't do the job.

(Nevertheless, thank goodness summer's coming to a close and they'll all be back in school soon!)

As we discuss show v. tell, I'm surprised that no one has noted that if the author limits himself to showing, the word count increases dramatically, even dangerously. (Take a second look at most of the examples.) That's another compelling reason to show what's worth showing and tell other information the reader needs but is less interesting.

Maryn

Tammy

Here's a link that may help you understand how to show over tell.

www.steampunk.com/sfch/writing/ckilian/#12

Apparently I give bad advice so I'll stick to showing you where to go to find legitimate help...and no one will slap your hand for asking the question over and over.

show

maestrowork, I think that sentence was a pretty good example because it's exactly what you said. . .tell though I don;t see how it's disguied as show. It's pure tell. So it is an good example of what tell, is, and how you can be fooled into thinking tell is show. But even if it were disguised, it would be an even better example.

And it's actually a pretty fair example of when it's okay to use tell. There's nothing at all wrong with having a character say, "I'm bored."

Sometimes we do get bored, and we do say so. I don't go around showing my wife I'm bored, I tell her so. Why make her guess?

Re: show

Sometimes telling is not only okay, it's the best way of getting something across.

As we discuss show v. tell, I'm surprised that no one has noted that if the author limits himself to showing, the word count increases dramatically, even dangerously.

Click to expand...

I think these are excellent points. Although I haven’t seen it in this thread I often see things like:
Show Don’t Tell
Use Active Over Passive voice
Eliminate Adverbs and Adjectives

IMO, it’s better to learn the effect of each (show, tell, active, passive) and when it’s appropriate, rather than limiting oneself to one or the other.

Re: show

Heh heh... usually I stomp around for a few minutes, flipping channels, picking up magazines and putting them down, letting out a few sighs... when the other person doesn't say anything, then I'll say: I'm bored.

When you write, think about what the character would do. Not many people would just come into the room and say, "I'm bored." Well, depends on the situation, but usually there's some foretelling -- something about them that shows us (even if we don't fully understand it) that they're bored.

At any rate, show makes for more vivid and evocative scenes. Tell is quick and direct, but leaves nothing to the imagination. Use them appropriately.

Reoints-counterpoints

good heavens give it a rest!

how about a debate on what came first the chicken or the egg?

Re: Reoints-counterpoints

how about a debate on what came first the chicken or the egg?

Click to expand...

easy...the rooster

Chicken vs. Egg

It depends, do you believe a chicken egg must be laid by a chicken or that a chicken could hatch from a non-chicken egg?

chicken vs egg

Aw, I don't know...I get my chicken and eggs at Krogers. :grin

Re: chicken vs egg

A chicken and an egg lay on the bed. The chicken was smoking a cigarette.

The egg turned to the chicken and said, "Well, I guess that answered the question."