RANT: What ever happened to men being chivalrous?

[rhymegirl]

I am absolutely seething right now!

Our society is going downhill by the second. This rant is not just directed towards men. I do realize that a fair amount of women are rude, impolite, nasty, and uncaring. But what just happened really pissed me off.

I went to the grocery store. I had 3 bags of groceries I was attempting to put into the passenger seat/side of my car. First, I opened the passenger side door. But I had to move the shopping cart behind my small car because there wasn't enough room between my car and the car next to mine. While I was getting the bags out of the cart, planning to stick them into the passenger seat (which I had OPENED the door for that reason), this guy who evidently owned the car next to mine came along. Now he needed to get into his car and my car door was preventing him from opening his car door.

Did he--

1. Ask if he could help me so I could get the bags in faster?
NO

2. Wait for just 2 minutes so I could get them into the car?
NO

3. Say a word at all?

NO

THIS IS WHAT HE DID DO:

He just closed my car door, got into his car and drove away!!!!!!!!!!!!


Man, I wanted to go after him and deck him! I was too shocked to say anything. People really suck!

[Siddow]

What a jerk!

Did he have to back out? You shoulda pushed your cart behind his car so he could hit it. Does he shop there often? Bring some nails next time for his tires.

But again, maybe he was distracted, went in the store to get his mother's nitroglycerin, but his cell phone rang while he was at the pharmacy counter, and it was too late. She'd had a heart attack and didn't make it.

Either that, or he's an asshat.

[aadams73]

I'd have flipped him off and mouthed something really rude.

What a jerkoff. At the very least he could have said, "Excuse me."

[davids]

I have at least always considered myself to be at least chival-because at times the rous fails is only human in certain situations. I will give you that there are certainly many more rude folks including women around. Do you think that at least to some degree the increase in rudness and the lack of chivalry is due to the women's rights movement? Before anyone blows me a new hole-I am for rights whether male or female and the female of our species has been to say the least treated unfairly-yet in days of yore when Knights were bold and there were a few damsels to be rescued-well along with the poor treatment at least the female got some chival-the dude was rude-you-hot and tired frustrated-left speechless by his lack of chival-understood-me? An example of the woman and her equal rights-a good example of it working in reverse. San Francisco-I open the door to an elegant department store-no I was not the doorman-I do not think there was one-I opened it for a young lady-who thereupon turned to me and spoke these words-as close as I am able to recall-what the hell's the matter you old fart-don't you think I can open the damned door for myself? I replied of course young lady-I just was worried you might fall over your lips-door let loose-tirade of abuse-me? A chuckle and a continuance of my total uninterest in her-I continue to open doors for women-and if there is a chap with his arms full-or one who is taking care of the kids while the wife is out working? Hell I may even open the door for him as well. Now go work out-it is too hot to give rude idiots power of yourself as this person has done!

[Azraelsbane]

Unfortunately chivalry went out of style with the plague. Hmm, I've used the word plague in two posts today. Maybe I need to write a short story incorporating pustules.

[III]

Maybe he was intimidated by your beauty and couldn't muster the courage to speak to you, so he panicked and dove into his car and sped away.

[davids]

Originally Posted by III

Maybe he was intimidated by your beauty and couldn't muster the courage to speak to you, so he panicked and dove into his car and sped away.

A fine example of a kind and cheyevalrass chap-well said-see rhyme there are some left-now go work out! I pulled two muscles and am in a cycloptic mood-GRRRRR!

[robeiae]

I'm quite chivalrous, thank you very much. Though I catch heat for it from time to time.

Yesterday, a local police officer was running a speed trap from a yard a few doors down. It was hot as heck here--like close to 100--and she was standing under a tree that offered almost no shade. She had to be dying. So, when I saw her, I got a bottle of ice-cold Gatorade from my fridge and took it to her. Now, she seemed to be happy and appreciative of my effort. However, I have done similar things and have gotten an earful about "assuming women are the weaker sex." Sp, what's a poor boy to do? (Truth be told, I didn't even notice it was a female cop 'til I had already started out with the Gatorade)

[davids]

Originally Posted by Azraelsbane

Unfortunately chivalry went out of style with the plague. Hmm, I've used the word plague in two posts today. Maybe I need to write a short story incorporating pustules.

Rude pustules and I think you got a best seller

[sassandgroove]

Davids you are exactly right.

[davids]

Originally Posted by sassandgroove

Davids you are exactly right.

How kind of you to say so lovely lady!

[akiwiguy]

Despite my many failings, one thing I can honestly say is that I'm polite person, and I just don't get people who aren't.

Part of it's just plain practicality, such as when leaving carpark complexes. If everyone just barged in, didn't let others merge in from the side you'd all just sit there all day getting pissed off.

And part of it is that it makes you feel better. Like supermarkets if someone has only a couple of items, for God's sake, the two minutes it takes to let them go ahead is well rewarded by the polite little chat that follows. And it will be reciprocated somewhere along the line.

One if the ones that really pissed me off in recent times was...
Ticketek had opened for Rolling Stones tickets, there were two lines, and we were warned that nationally tickets would most likely last 5 minutes. Anyway, I then noticed as I got closer to the counter a woman who had not been anywhere in sight earlier (she had somehow totally jumped the queue) at the counter demanding tickets for some other farty little local operatic poduction of some sort. The clerk explained "Would you mind waiting, these people have a few minutes to get tickets that have just gone online nationally, or they'll miss out." This bitch's reply... "No, I'm being served, and I want my tickets now." I was stunned, and I could see how embarrassed this clerk was at her behaviour. I got my tickets, but that kind of refusal to accomodate other people always mystifies me. Centre of their own friggin universes.

[Tiger]

Unfortunately, chivalry given equals only half the concept. It can only be graciously given if it is graciously accepted (most of the time, anyway).

Some people consider the whole idea to be inherently sexist.

[rhymegirl]

Dave, I am the kind of person who does the following:

1. I open doors for people, male or female. I never let a door close in someone's face.
2. At the grocery store, if someone asks me (a tall person) if I can reach something on a high shelf for them, I gladly do it.
3. If someone drops something and I am close by, I pick it up for them, asked or not.
4. Say please, thank you, and the like.

I feel very much the way Hannibal Lecter feels about courtesy. In Silence of the Lambs he said, "Discourtesy is unspeakably ugly to me."

Amen to that.

Without common courtesy this world is headed for disaster. You see it every day the way people drive. People are in such a big hurry they don't care who they cut off, who they run over just to get where they're going.

And any woman who says what that woman said to you when you tried to hold the door open for her is a BIG JERK. Personally, I don't know any woman who would say that.

[robeiae]

Originally Posted by rhymegirl

Without common courtesy this world is headed for disaster.

I have a blog entry about this subject. I also started a thread about it, some time ago.

[akiwiguy]

Originally Posted by rhymegirl

Without common courtesy this world is headed for disaster. You see it every day the way people drive. People are in such a big hurry they don't care who they cut off, who they run over just to get where they're going.

I find myself having to watch that I don't become like them in response.

There's a two-lane stretch of road going out of town that for various reasons one lane is always packed, the other empty, and they merge a few hundred yards further. And every time, guaranteed, you get these tossers flying up the empty one at twice the speed limit, then merge in at the end, jumping about 50 cars in the process. But all it does is push everyone else back.

And I'm finding myself so tempted these days to just refuse to let them merge. But it would make me one of them. ** sigh **

[Tiger]

Good manners ain't necessarily "chivalry."

I always thought of modern chivalry as a concept of MEN offering WOMEN their umbrellas in the rain, or a seats on the bus.

[davids]

Originally Posted by rhymegirl

Dave, I am the kind of person who does the following:

1. I open doors for people, male or female. I never let a door close in someone's face.
2. At the grocery store, if someone asks me (a tall person) if I can reach something on a high shelf for them, I gladly do it.
3. If someone drops something and I am close by, I pick it up for them, asked or not.
4. Say please, thank you, and the like.

I feel very much the way Hannibal Lecter feels about courtesy. In Silence of the Lambs he said, "Discourtesy is unspeakably ugly to me."

Amen to that.

Without common courtesy this world is headed for disaster. You see it every day the way people drive. People are in such a big hurry they don't care who they cut off, who they run over just to get where they're going.

And any woman who says what that woman said to you when you tried to hold the door open for her is a BIG JERK. Personally, I don't know any woman who would say that.

Well I did meet one and by the by-WHO LOVES YA BABY??

[robeiae]

Originally Posted by Tiger

Good manners ain't necessarily "chivalry."

This is true. However, many actions can indeed be called both, imo.

I always thought of modern chivalry as a concept of MEN offering WOMEN their umbrellas in the rain, or a seats on the bus.

In both cases, such actions can be both, again imo. Why? Well, offering a women an umbrella and forgoing the protection it can offer you (if you are a man) can be good manners because of styles of dress, alone. Consider the difference of wearing a suit and hat in the rain, versus a blouse or a dress. And as to riding the bus, again dress alone can make the difference. Consider standing on a bus in high heels, as opposed to loafers.

I was appalled once when--on a bus running people from the parking lot to the gate at the Nasdaq Open--a pregnant women boarded and had to stand, as no one near her--man or woman--deigned to offer her a seat. Of course, I called out to her and insisted that she take my seat. My wife, having been pregnant before, concurred. And if I had not been there, my wife would have certainly given up her seat.

[mscelina]

I think we're discussing basic good manners. Now, I TRIED to raise my daughters to be polite--yes ma'am, no sir, please, thank you, ladedadeda but it's been vastly ineffective. Why? *grumble, grumble* because very few people do the same for their kids. An older gentleman of my acquaintance told us a story this weekend about how he was driving down the highway and saw a young girl (late teens) standing next to a car with the hood up talking on the cell phone. He turned around and asked her if she needed any help. Her reply? "Mind your own f*c*ing business!"

If either of my girls behaved like that I would backhand them across the room.

I still, to this day, am addicted to the courtesies I was taught in my youth. Lately I acheived a milestone in my house: neither the 18 year old or the 19 year old think burping contests are QUITE as funny as they were this time last year. Praise cow! They are starting to appreciate why I disliked boys whose version of picking them up for a date involved pulling up in front of the house and honking the horn or calling on the cell phone. They now realize that a young man who opens the door for them and is solicitous to their comfort is preferable company than the gangsta wannabes. But, it's been a loooooooong fight--and it's not over yet.

As for the guy who closed your car door, well, my response would have been quite bad--especially if I'd bought eggs. I'll ruin a bag of groceries to make a point. But, then again, no one ever accused me of being nice.

[giftedrhonda]

I'm flabbergasted at the rudeness and selfishness that seem to be running rampant in society today. I'm sorry you experienced that!!!

[Bird of Prey]

Originally Posted by davids

Do you think that at least to some degree the increase in rudness and the lack of chivalry is due to the women's rights movement?

Yes.

[Tiger]

Originally Posted by robeiae

This is true. However, many actions can indeed be called both, imo.


In both cases, such actions can be both, again imo. Why? Well, offering a women an umbrella and forgoing the protection it can offer you (if you are a man) can be good manners because of styles of dress, alone. Consider the difference of wearing a suit and hat in the rain, versus a blouse or a dress. And as to riding the bus, again dress alone can make the difference. Consider standing on a bus in high heels, as opposed to loafers.

I was appalled once when--on a bus running people from the parking lot to the gate at the Nasdaq Open--a pregnant women boarded and had to stand, as no one near her--man or woman--deigned to offer her a seat. Of course, I called out to her and insisted that she take my seat. My wife, having been pregnant before, concurred. And if I had not been there, my wife would have certainly given up her seat.

Agreement here... But I still think that "chivalry" is a man/woman, strong/weak thing. Bottom line (IMO) is that manners are not necessarily dictated by gender. Not anymore, anyway.

[Joe270]

RGirl has a point here. Seems to me everyone is in a great big hurry these days, mostly to get nowhere. And they want to let you know that their time is more valuable than yours. Heck, in traffic, they'll kill you and your family to make up one second of time. (You can't 'make up time', ya goofs) I see it all the time in Vegas, the land of 'Me First'.

But I'll tell you, folks are shocked when you do extend some courtesy. It is definitely worth your time just to see their reaction. A smile goes a long way in this town, and to complement someone on a job well done floors 'em.

And just two days ago I removed my stuff from the express line because I miscounted by two, even though no one was behind me. I hate that crap myself. The checker said it was fine, but I said others might arrive. And they did. The checker gave me a fine smile as a tip.

I will always open doors for others, man or woman. I'll always lend a hand to those who need a quick hand. You never know how much a kind word, or a quick helping hand might impact a life. It might just displace that 'last straw' for someone on the brink.

Yes, our society needs to take a chill pill and care for each other just a wee bit.

[scarletpeaches]

Originally Posted by Barbarique

The present day youngsters (by which I mean anyone under 40) are clueless about chivalry/courtesy/good breeding because their parents were clueless...

Broad generalisations are rude too. I know plenty old people who wouldn't know good breeding if it kicked them up the arse.