Last goes first:

[Woof]

"Galaxy Lounge is pleased to welcome our newest exotic dancer, the fabulous eight-breasted Lola Xotx, who comes to us directly from Venus, and all I can say folks, is that her act is simply out of this world!"

[Nymtoc]

World domination has always been Stewie Griffin's goal.

[Ms. Jem]

"Goal-oriented, focused planner seeks aimless, waste of oxygen dolt for fun and laughs," he read aloud, while circling the ad in the NY Times.

[Woof]

Times Square was recently cordoned off by the police after a writer threw himself on a blazing pile of manuscripts while screaming "publish or perish!"

[Nymtoc]

"Perish the thought that I would dream of stealing any of your ideas--now, what was that plot twist again?"

[Komnena]

Again the mad scientist began work in his underground laboratory.

[Woof]

Laboratory bustled with activity as men and women in cages jumped up and down while white rats in lab coats made notes on clipboards.

[Nymtoc]

Clipboards are useful for holding a variety of things, like broken rubber bands, used dental floss, Tootsie Roll wrappers, balled up hair cuttings and unfinished scraps of bacon.

[Woof]

Bacon and eggs sizzled on the griddle while the morning weather report squawked from the cheap speaker sitting on the shelf next to a plastic bust of Elvis, but there was nobody in the diner to smell the food or hear the tinny radio, nobody who was still alive...

[Ms. Jem]

"Still alive?" she prodded her husband with a toe. Unfortunately, for him, he answered her.

[Woof]

Her kinky fetishes were becoming more and more bizarre, and though he always submitted to her outrageous demands, he now felt that inviting a gerbil into their bed was going too far.

[Nymtoc]

Far away, in another region of the galaxy, is a planet identical to Earth, populated by crypto-humans who are exact duplicates of the ones we have here on our own planet, and that includes you.

[SWickham]

You would think that by now we could live on any planet we wanted.

[Woof]

"Wanted," read the classified ad, "Female who must be young, beautiful, wealthy enough to support an indigent writer, willing to cook and do house cleaning in the nude, bear many children, and able to discuss art while giving erotic massages."

[Ms. Jem]

"Massages? Cigarettes?" the Bunny chanted as she sauntered through the crowd.

[Nymtoc]

Crowd control is not a problem at the weekly meetings of the Pawtucket Junction Ladies Thimble Society, which at the moment has no members.

[Woof]

Members of The Flat Earth Society, in their recent general meeting, voted unanimously to begin construction on a new infrastructure project - erecting barriers at the ends of the Earth to prevent people from falling off.

[Nymtoc]

"Off her rocker for twenty years now," he said, "but my old woman still makes a durn good raccoon stew."

[Woof]

"Stew in your own juice, then," said the cannibal, testing his backside with a fork.

[Nymtoc]

"Fork over all your dough," said the man in the ski mask, "and I'll take those cupcakes, too."

[Woof]

"Too much plasma, ptooey!" said Count Dracula to the bartender, making a face, "doesn't anybody here know how to make a decent Bloody Mary?"

[Nymtoc]

Mary, Queen of Scots, had an unfortunate way of leading with her heart, not her head, and as a result she lost them both.

[Woof]

"Both of us are here alone on this desert island without any food, and I for one will never resort to cannibalism" he said, "but if you happen to have a spare rib you can part with, it won't go unappreciated."

[Nymtoc]

Unappreciated talents are like leaves that fall and are soon forgotten.

[Woof]

Forgotten memories faded into the fog of the past, or perhaps they never existed to begin with, I can't remember.