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Dealing with
Discouragement I can’t name a single writer whose career has been without
discouragement. We’ve all dealt with rejections, non-responses, bad reviews,
losing a contest we were sure we’d win, having someone laugh at us when we share
our career goals... What sets apart the successful writers from the
unsuccessful ones, in part, is the way we deal with these discouragements. Let’s take a pretty common scenario. You’ve written
something (a novel, screenplay, essay, short story, poetry collection, whatever)
and you’ve sent it out ten times. All ten recipients either reject it or don’t
respond at all. How do you react? 1. You yell, cry, wallow in pity, eat HoHos, etc. Any of those reactions is fine and normal and
appropriate... but those first two are appropriate for a limited time only. Those first two reactions are the ones I’ve been thinking
about lately. I get letters pretty often from writers who are down in the dumps
over rejections, and they want me to advise them. “What should I do?” they’ll
ask me. “I just want to give up.” Truth? If you really want to give up-- not just temporarily
as a result of a stinging criticism-- it’s probably healthier for you to do so.
Thing is, some people are pathological pity-hounds. They go
to other writers and say, “I’m so discouraged! I got ten rejections and I think
I’m just going to give up because no one wants me” Almost without fail, writers will jump in and say, “Don’t
give up! Don’t ever give up!” They mean well, of course. They want to be
encouraging and caring. But the hard truth is that some people aren’t cut out to
be writers-- not because of a lack of talent, but because of an oversensitivity
to discouragement. See, they go through these cycles. They feel discouraged by
publishers, so they come to fellow writers, who feed them with encouragement.
Then they go back to the publishers, get discouraged again, and the cycle
repeats. At what point should we encouragers stop bandaging the
problem and let the writer figure out if he or she can deal with the down-sides
of writing? When someone comes to the point of asking, “How long should
I keep sending out this manuscript before I quit?” the answer is usually, “Quit
now.” Why? Not because the work may never sell-- for all I know, it could be the
hottest best-seller of all times-- but because the writer is already showing
battle fatigue. If you’re discouraged before your career even starts, how
will you have the stamina to handle all the other discouragements that are bound
to come your way? Your editor leaves the house and the new editor wants a
total rewrite, taking out what you think is your “best stuff.” Sales aren’t great, so the publisher doesn’t want your next
book. Reviews are mixed, and some reviewers call your work trite
and simplistic. Your agent drops you. Your book is sitting in the remainder bins in less than two
years. Someone else comes out with a book just like yours a month
before your book’s publication date, and bookstores don’t order yours because
it’s too similar to the one they just stocked. The media ignores you. Your publication date gets postponed twice, and your
advance money has run out before the electric bill arrives. Mean-spirited people post nasty reviews of your book on
Amazon and elsewhere. You take a risk and write in a new genre, only to find out
that no one will buy it and you’ve “wasted” six months of your life. These things happen. Sometimes I think of that writer who’s so discouraged and
worn out after ten rejections that she’s already threatening to quit, and I
imagine her five or ten years down the line. Even if she sells that book, will
she be able to handle all the other “stuff” that comes with being a writer? Hey, we all go through crises of faith over our talents. We
all get down, and most of us contemplate giving up at some point. The question
you need to ask yourself is if this roller-coaster of emotions and career highs
and lows suits your personality in the long term. Do you usually feel
like giving up? Do you constantly seek outside assurance? If you knew that in
your lifetime, you would accumulate 1,000 rejections instead of ten, does that
thought make you miserable? Don’t be so self-hating as to stick yourself into a
business that depresses you. If you can imagine those rejections and tough spots
and still believe that you’ll be happy with your life and your career overall,
you’ll be fine. The good should outweigh the bad. But if it sounds terribly
painful, why not keep writing as a hobby and find a different career goal? Writing isn’t something most of us get into because we
expect to get rich quick, or because we expect to become household names. We do
it because it brings us creative fulfillment and a sense of accomplishment, and
maybe the lifestyle attracts us. So weigh that against the disappointments and
figure out: Is writing still making you happy? Is it worth it for you if you
have to fight through the discouragements? If the answer for you is “yes,” you’ll never have to ask
someone if you should quit. You’ll know deep down that you would never quit, no
matter how tough it gets. If the answer is “no,” don’t prolong your pain.
Accomplishing your goals isn’t a good enough payoff if you’re going to be
miserable all the way there. Spend your time doing things that bring you more pleasure
than pain. Whatever you choose to do with your life, if you’ve made the right
choices, you’ll never have to ask someone when it’s time to quit.
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