Time
to Revise? Try OKRA
By Nancy Callahan
OKRA’s not just a vegetable—it’s a useful acronym
that boils the revision process down to four basic functions: omit, keep,
rework, and add.
Using OKRA is simple. Just read through your draft four
times, focusing each time on one of the four functions. On first read, liberally
omit what you don’t need. On the second, identify parts that should be kept as
they are. On the third, re-work everything that hasn’t already been omitted or
kept. Finally, after having read your draft through three times, go back and
judiciously add anything that seems to be missing.
By offering you this sensible game plan, OKRA simplifies
and streamlines revision and thereby helps you revise more efficiently.
Omit
First, comb through your draft and delete anything that
doesn’t add value:
Incorrect punctuation
The bird, flew away. (comma)
It left it’s nest behind. (apostrophe)
Redundant words
Where is is he going?
Doesn’t he know he’ll need an an umbrella?
Vague adverbs
He was grinning widely when he happily
accepted the trophy.
Excess words or phrases
Suzie, a 3-month-old golden retriever puppy,
jumped out of the pool.
She shook in order to get the water off her yellow
coat.
Clichés
It’s as
easy as pie to replace a shingle.
Do it right away and don’t beat around the bush
to minimize rain damage.
Insignificant or insubstantial details
The green leaves of the oak trees fluttered in the
breeze.
She tied her daughter’s brown hair back into a
ponytail using a hair elastic.
Unnecessary sentences
Ralph always snuck around the building at night. I even
caught him eavesdropping outside my apartment door once. He seemed like a
shady character.
Weak dialogue (that neither advances the plot nor reveals
character)
“Want to leave at four?”
“That’s too early.”
“Oh.”
“Five is better.”
“Ok.”
“Which car?”
“Let’s take the red car.”
“No, it’s not comfortable enough.”
Superfluous summary
John took a burrito out of the freezer. He read the
directions, then tore off the wrapper. He opened the microwave door,
put in the burrito, closed the door, pushed
the ‘1 Minute’ button three times, then pushed ‘Start.’ He stared
at it while it cooked. The microwave
beeped and he took the burrito out. It wasn’t
going to taste good, but it was all he had to eat.
Irrelevant flashback
Greg looked through the barred prison window. He thought
about summer afternoons back home,
playing catch with his brother while his mom tended the garden. His mom
grew monstrous pumpkins in that garden every year. One year she even
won first place at the county fair. Greg had had such a stable childhood.
How could his life have turned out like this?
Keep
Second, pinpoint parts of the draft to preserve as they
are:
Precise diction
Intriguing (and appropriate) turns-of-phrase
Significant, concrete details
Strong dialogue (that reveals character or propels the
plot)
Only keep things you feel you couldn’t improve upon. They
will anchor the story and be your milestones as you rework.
Remember: be very picky. Don’t give immunity to something
you have reservations about. Be as strict about keeping as you were liberal
about omitting.
Rework
Third, rework anything that hasn’t been omitted or kept:
Punctuation mistakes
“Dont do that”, she said. (apostrophe; quotation
mark/comma)
Wrong words
Accept/except, patients/patience, stationary/stationery,
etc.
Homophone confusion
There/their/they’re, too/two/to, etc.
Subject/verb disagreement
The group of seamstresses were sewing.
Fix 1: The seamstresses were sewing.
Fix 2: The group of seamstresses was sewing.
Dangling modifiers
Changing stations, the TV finally showed
the news.
Fix: Changing stations, Max finally found the news.
Weak verbs
I went to the store, got the spinach, then came
back.
Fix 1: I snuck into the store, stole the spinach, then
fled back.
Fix 2: I hopped to the store, spoke to the spinach,
then cart-wheeled back.
Dad is in the chair.
Fix: Dad relaxes on the recliner every day after work.
Tense disagreement
Once we shopped at the mall, then we will buy
ice cream cones.
Fix 1: Once we’re done shopping at the mall, we will
buy ice cream cones.
Fix 2: Once we shopped at the mall and then bought ice
cream cones.
Passive tense
We were being followed by a swarm of bees.
Fix: A swarm of bees chased us.
Generalities
The man was fat.
Fix 1: Walter Prescott grew plump after his surgery due
to inactivity.
Fix 2: Billy Jamison had been obese all his life.
Inaccurate or lackluster diction
He drove the car toward the fence.
Fix 1: Witherspoon eased the limo up to the wrought
iron gate.
Fix 2: Sgt.
Ferriday raced his jeep toward the chain link fence.
Excessive prepositional phrases
The soda can in the cubicle in the library
was empty.
Fix 1: The soda can in the library cubicle was empty.
Fix 2: I found an empty soda can in a deserted library
cubicle.
Fragments
Next door, barbecuing steaks on the grill.
Fix 1: The next door-neighbors barbecued steaks on the
grill.
Fix 2: We barbecued our steaks on the next
door-neighbors’ grill.
Run-ons
The VCR buttons confuse me, there is a manual, I should
read it.
Fix 1: The VCR buttons confuse me. I should read the
manual.
Fix 2: I should read the manual because those VCR
buttons confuse me.
Sentence variety
Mix simple and complex sentences to avoid monotonous
rhythm.
Explanation (telling, versus showing)
Marta was irresponsible. Peter, who was in love with her,
always tried to help.
Fix 1: Marta went to the party, but Peter stayed home
and wrote checks to cover Marta’s overdue bills.
Fix 2: Peter missed his doctoral thesis defense because
Marta was in jail again and needed to be bailed out.
Paragraph structure and variety
Paragraphs tend to consist of a topic sentence, a body,
and a transition sentence.
Some paragraphs should be short (1-3 sentences) and some
should be long (8-9).
Stereotypical characters and situations
Summary (if it can be expanded into scene)
The introduction
Make sure the story starts with tension. Grab the reader.
The conclusion
End the story by ending the tension.
The scenes
Each should add to the tension and push the plot toward
its climactic ending.
The point of view (e.g., first person limited omniscient,
third person editorial)
It should remain consistent throughout.
Add
Finally, think about what (and where) the draft might still
be lacking:
Crucial scenes
Key characters
Important details
Clarity
Either state or imply basic character and setting details
(like age, gender, race, location, and time period). This grounds the reader.
Excluding such information will not make the story seem more universal
(as some think), but will cause ambiguity
that will disorient and confuse the reader.
Remember: this isn’t a brainstorm stage. Only add if
something specific is missing from a particular place. Otherwise, adding to the
draft would be counterproductive.
After OKRA
Your draft should be more succinct and more coherent after
you’ve completed these four steps.
But, to achieve submission-quality prose, you’ll need to
revise multiple times. Though it can be tedious, vigorous revision is what
separates amateurish writing from a polished, publishable product.
Put your piece away and work on something else. Take it out
after a few days and revise using OKRA again. (Don’t be afraid to omit things
you’d added, or rework things you’d kept, because that’s exactly what
revision is all about: recognizing what really works over time and retaining
it.) Repeat OKRA until the day you can find nothing more to omit, rework, or
add—in other words, until the day you feel everything should be kept as it is
and you’re done revising.
Nancy Callahan is a freelance
writer and editor from Cape Cod, MA who has published articles, essays, humor,
fiction and poetry. Please visit her website at www.geocities.com/nancy_callahan
for more information.
