Writing
is a Confidence Game
By Robert Duncan
Perhaps like me, you have concluded that writers are granted favor, even in our
semi-literate society, and therefore now aspire to be a writer. Maybe to impress
one's boss in order to get ahead of insensate coworkers. Or to attract the
admiration and affection of someone of the opposite sex.
Whatever your reason, I am here to tell you that you can wittingly be mistaken
for a writer. It will take minimal effort on your part, but this ruse can be
pulled off. I will share with you the knowledge that I have gleaned from my many
years of successfully masquerading about as a writer.
Foremost for the uninspired writer is to be relatively honest. Never overstate
your accomplishments. Never lie about having been published. In this modern age
of technology, anyone can wade through the pages of Amazon.com to swiftly refute
such claims. "We checked for your book at the Library of Congress after our
daughter mentioned you were a writer..." is not what you want to hear
before being tossed out of a church by your prospective in-laws on what was to
be your wedding day.
Remember
that success does not come easily. The odds are in your favor. It is incredibly
unlikely that even a great writer with several finished manuscripts will get
published. The odds are astronomical! It is certainly not reasonable to expect a
fledgling writer to secure a publishing deal. The catch phrase to remember is
"progress is progress." Don't let people dissuade your claim of being
a writer simply because you have not been published.
The rookie mistake is to brag about banging out a screenplay because it sounds
glamorous, or to tell how they agonize over writing the perfect Haiku because
they think it sounds romantic. Remember the following: You are not a poet. You
do not write short stories, not even screenplays. Gaze into a looking-glass a
declare with total confidence, "I am working on an epic novel." An
epic novel will take a very long time to complete and people will respect what
they perceive as your devotion to your craft.
It is true that bad company corrupts good morals and that you are judged by the
company you keep. Everyone has seen the many self-proclaimed writers loitering
in Starbucks drinking pricey coffee, organizing the desktop icons on their
laptops. These over-caffeinated, seldom published writer types are as easy to
find as the coffee houses they patronize. One espresso macchiato does not a
writer make. Your portrayal will only be diminished by frequenting these
establishments. Real writers do not act like this stereotype.
If not coffee houses, "How about book stores?" you may ask. There are
differing opinions regarding the reading habits of productive writers. The
opinions are not that important. The fact that there are different schools of
thought can, however, be used to your advantage. One line of thinking is that
writers should be well read and that a writer gains insight and instruction on
the craft by reading the great works of masterful writers. The other side of the
pancake looks something like, writers should not read other works to avoid
displacing their perspective. Sure, anyone can turn out cookie-cutter mass market
drivel, but a real artist must be true to his or her inner voice. I am not
trying to suggest that one of these positions is somehow better than the other.
I am simply providing you with options. If you love to read, great! Just be
careful not to take on the words of a popular author. There is a reasonable
chance that someone may recognize the reference. If on the other hand, you find
reading can be taxing and quite boring, don't let that stop you from deeming
yourself a writer. Invest the time to learn enough information to submit your
position persuasively and you will be admired by all who imagine your knack for
scribbling words to page.
I now direct your attention to one of the more subtle and often misunderstood
aspects of being a writer. The common misconception is that writers do in fact
actually write. It is important to be aware of this line of faulty thinking, and
that it is a tough sell to convince someone that, writers do not have write in
order to be a writer. To demonstrate, let us examine the phrase "writer's
block." Writer's block can be defined as someone having a desire to write,
i.e. a writer, who is suffering from an inability to transfer thoughts to paper
in an acceptable fashion.
Certainly
anyone who has been forced to sit before a blank sheet of paper has experienced
writer's block. It is with these people that you will find empathy for your
suffering. You should not feel any less of a writer just because you do not
write.
Allow me to restate my basic premise: One does not have to actually write in
order to reap the rewards of being perceived as a writer. As I have stated,
there are many reasons why one should have such a noble aspiration. I am certain
that once you experience the way in which a writer is esteemed by those folks
who only dream of attaining such a lofty position, you will quickly gain
confidence and grow into your role. Enjoy the freedom that comes from knowing
that you do not have to write!
I am a bow-tie-wearing court manager in historic Charleston, South Carolina
who enjoys the thought of being a writer. Currently I have several working titles
for what would, no doubt, be literary masterpieces, but give me a break-- who
has time to actually sit and write? I can be reached at rob_d7@yahoo.com.
