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Impress Your Editor!
By Dawn Allcot Follow these steps for guaranteed freelance success:
1. Deadlines are completely arbitrary dates determined at the power-hungry editor's whim. Ignore them completely. Send in your article at least a week after the due date.
3. The best time to
approach an editor is on deadline week, preferably at 6 PM on a Friday evening.
Make sure to call the editor's cell phone from a blocked phone number. Editors
live only to make their writers happy and have no interests outside of their
publication. 4. Make it as
difficult as possible for the editor to access your submission. For instance,
bury your article within a CD of photos and don't tell the editor it is there.
Use the most obscure font you can find in your story. Better yet, use word
processing software that is not compatible with Word, the industry standard. If
that's too much trouble, simply submit your handwritten article by fax. 5. Don't ever label
a CD! If you must label it, make sure the writing is completely illegible.
Editors love playing guessing games when they are on deadline. It is a source of
great enjoyment in their bleak lives. If the editor loses your unlabeled CD and
requests another copy, act as if this is a great imposition. Make sure to sigh
and make tsk-tsk sounds at how irresponsible the editor was to have lost your
masterpiece. 6. Request writers'
guidelines and read them closely. Do the exact opposite of what the guidelines
require. 7. Don't provide a
headline. That is the editor's job. They need to earn their enormous salaries
somehow. 8. Never, ever
byline your piece. Again, editors love guessing games, and matching up dozens of
anonymous submissions to their appropriate writers is a fun diversion from their
daily chores. This is especially effective if you have a name that is difficult
to spell. 9. It sounds
obvious, but spell check is a waste of time. Don't bother. Catching spelling
mistakes is the editor's job. 10. If you're
writing about a particular, well-known company, spell their name wrong or,
better yet, call them by the wrong name! Editors like to be challenged, and
catching mistakes like that is great fun! 11. Once your work has been accepted, expect payment the next day. Call the editor at least once a week until the check arrives.
Follow these easy steps and you will always be
guaranteed another assignment.
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