The Joy of Book Signings

By Dean Anderson

Every writer dreams of the day when someone will approach him or her with a book and ask him or her to sign it. How much better would it be to have a long line of people seeking signatures?

Yes, this truly is the stuff dreams are made of (Dashiell Hammett was mistaken on this issue, claiming avian statuary was the stuff of dreams. He was also mistaken in his politics and on the long term benefits of alcohol).

But there are a great many misconceptions about the nature of book signings, and herein I hope to deal with those misconceptions and to expand upon them.

Let's start with some commonly asked questions:

"Is it necessary to actually write a book to have a book signing?"

Many people believe so, but that is simply not the case. Before Joe Klein copped to writing Primary Colors, I did a great many signings (some at very large warehouse stores) claiming to be Anonymous. There are still a great many respectably selling books out there with authors unknown-- everything from CIA memoirs to first-person accounts of drug addiction. If you don't mind being linked to racy material, your options widen even further.

"What should I bring to the book signing?"

Never underestimate the importance of a comfy chair. You may be sitting for hours. That's why I always bring my bean bag chair. I find it keeps the little people from thinking that I think I'm above them. And bring something to drink: usually water, perhaps coffee. If you'll be signing children's books I'd advise something much stronger. And you need a good supply of pens. That's why I prefer office supply stores to bookstores for my signings.

"What is the difference between a book signing and a reading?"

At a reading, especially if they give you a microphone, everyone in the store will be aware of your presence. If you pick a passage from your book with adult language and/or content, not only will people in the store be aware of you and your book, but perhaps you will even catch the attention of passersby with small children.

On the other hand, at a signing it could be no one will be aware of your presence. They may put you at a card table in a dank, dark corner of the basement that search and rescue teams may have trouble tracking down.

And one or the other of them may have refreshments.

"Does it matter if I have sloppy handwriting?"

Of course not. Bad handwriting is a sign of status in our society. Doctors, lawyers, your best pastry chefs-- all have bad handwriting in common. In fact, if you do have tidy handwriting, I'd advise messing it up some. Perhaps you can get a fountain pen that leaks. Your customers desire illegibility to help with bragging rights. ("I can't read the name here." "You can't? Why it's 'J. D. Salinger,' clear as day.")

"What should I write?"

This is a dilemma that will probably bring back unpleasant reminders of yearbook signings. You will probably, like all the big time writers, come up with some phrase that will become your reliable crutch. Dan Brown uses, "Be an Angel, I Demond It!" John Grisham uses, "A time to kill time signing books." And Harper Lee signed nine out of ten copies of To Kill a Mockingbird with "Have a nice summer!"

"Can book signing be dull?"

However could you think such a thing? What could possibly be tedious about sitting hour after hour with only the book you are now sick and tired of as company? Why would it bother you that the majority of people that pass your table try to avoid eye contact? Your only interaction is when someone stops to ask, "Do you have the new Anne Rice?" or "Do know where they keep the word search collections?" or "Do you validate parking?" Who could possibly be bored? After all, "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy--  all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy-- all work…"

"Are there any lessons about book signing to be learned from famous authors?"

There certainly are! Several years ago, J. K. Rowling came to my hometown for a book signing. But this was before the Harry Potter books became the phenomenon they are today, and so only a couple of dozen people came for the signing. Of course today, thousands would show up for her autograph. And the lesson I take from this story is that whenever I do a book signing, I advertise that J. K. Rowling is coming.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to a signing!  (A local chain store has boxes of old Stephen Kings they're trying to unload, and I have that forgery down!)

Dean Anderson is looking for more places to sign the first in his series of Bill the Warthog Mysteries, Full Metal Trench Coat. You can also read the blog he maintains for his odd friends at www.moralmovies.blogspot.com.

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