No, I Will Not Edit Your
Paper
By M. Brandon
Robbins
It's a lovely
party, a mixer set up by a young couple that had lots single friends and thought
there might be potential for some mass-quantity match-making. The food's good,
with lots of vegetarian fare-- important for the young writer (a vegetarian) who
is there in search of what could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
He's met some nice people, both male and female, but none of the women he's met
seems like his type. Good people, possibly great friends, but not the beginning
of the beautiful friendship he had in mind.
He's talking to one of those good people now, a young lady in graduate school
who enjoys Moroccan food (she's got boxes and boxes of couscous at her house),
shopping for fabric (her hobby is designing and making clothes, though she
doesn't want that to be her career because she'll hate it too much), and Lilith
Fair (she always, always catches it when it's in town).
Somehow, some way,
it comes up that he's a writer. The young man has purposely avoided it all
night. Such a disclosure is usually met with either disinterest, humor, or too
much fascination for him to not feel as if he's just met a stalker. But without
meaning to, he lets it slip-- indirectly-- when he mentions that he's got a
deadline coming up.
"Oh, so you're a writer," she says.
"Yes," the young man affirms, knowing that there is no going back.
"Wow, that's so fortuitous! I'm right in the middle of editing a paper for one
of my classes now. Do you think you could help me out? We could meet for coffee
one day or something."
And the writer finds himself at an impasse. He's not interested in this young
woman for any kind of long term relationship, true, but she's nice enough for a
date (or two). So meeting with her to edit her paper could be good springboard
for a few good casual dates. But then on the other hand, she is asking him to
contribute his expertise and skills, and she doesn't seem to be willing to pay:
she didn't exactly ask what his hourly rates were after all.
And then she continues. "Or maybe you could just give a few suggestions, like
how can I make my writing more dramatic? I know it's a research piece but I want
to really pull my professor in, you know, make him want to read it. How can I do
that? Do you have any tips?"
Sure, the writer thinks, for the low-low price of twenty dollars an hour plus
any miscellaneous expenses.
We've all
experienced this, whether in school, on the day job, or at a social gathering.
Either everybody knows that you're a writer, or they find out that you're a
writer, or you're the only one talking about obscure books on writing that
nobody else has ever heard of and they put two and two together, and all of a
sudden everybody wants advice. It happened to me all the time when I was in high
school and college. I had a reputation as a talented writer and everybody (well,
a good number of people) came to me for proof-reading and critiquing. When I was
a student, I didn't think twice about it. I just did it. Helping out your fellow
student and all that. But when I graduated from college and began working
full-time, it was hard enough to get time for me to work on my own writing
endeavors, much less those of others. Thankfully, I've only had to spill some
red ink once in a while, so it's not much of an inconvenience for me. But I do
get the occasional "You're a writer? Great! Hey could you like, do a paper for
me if I give you an outline?" from the customers at my workplace. And when I do,
my polite answer is, "I'm afraid I don't have the time to give this project the
attention that it deserves so I can't guarantee quality output." In reality, I
want to say, "Definitely. I could use some money. My rates are twenty dollars an
hour plus any miscellaneous expenses."
Nobody likes a snot, and charging people for something they think should be free
is a great way to look like one.
Advice-seeking freeloaders are not a problem unique to writers. A recent article
in the Wall Street Journal discussed how iPod technicians and lifestyle
consultants are now facing problems that used to be almost exclusive to doctors,
lawyers, and psychiatrists. The film Reign Over Me has scenes of a
dentist waiting outside of a psychologist's office so that he could just happen
to meet her and oh by the way, he's got a friend that's having issues with his
wife. The psychologist gives him a few pointers for his friend to go on, and
then kindly informs him that he's going to be owing her some dental work if they
continue to meet on the street by chance.
Of course, what complicates the whole situation is that usually the people
seeking to pick your brain are people that you don't want to offend. Friends,
family, and co-workers are generally people that you want to keep on your good
side. Even friends-of-friends can create an awkward situation should you get on
their bad side, and a total stranger isn't going to seek your guidance; people
are generally at least polite enough to establish a rapport with you before they
hope to score a free advising and editing session.
It's easy-- and tempting-- to just write these people off as just what they are
referred to in the Wall Street Journal: advice-seeking freeloaders. They
have no appreciation for how valuable your time and skills are and hope to duck
any charges you might apply to them. But in reality, that's not true. Doctors,
lawyers, computer technicians, personal trainers-- these are all helping
professions: they assist people get out of bad situations or improve their
current state of well-being. It's not such a far logical leap to assume that
once in a while these people would answer a question or provide a service for
free. Also, while so-called freeloaders may come across as not appreciating that
a professional person's skills are valuable, they may just merely think that
their question is not overly complicated, that the person could answer the
question off hand. After all, if they were the experts, they wouldn't be hitting
up the experts at cocktail parties.
While writers may not hold a profession that directly and immediately provides
relief or resistance to others like doctors or mechanics, it is certainly true
that it's because non-writers just don't realize how difficult writing is, how
long and arduous creating quality prose takes, that they think their question is
easily answered by somebody that knows what they are doing. After all, it's
mostly non-writers who are asking for help on their homework or for a rough
draft to be polished up.
There are plenty of polite ways to deal with people seeking your advice without
going through the proper channels (going through the proper channels meaning
paying for it). And all of them will get the point across without hurting any
feelings. After all, once they learn that while you charge for your work, you
can back it up with quality material, freeloaders may become return paying
customers soon.
First of all, it's usually a good idea to have some kind of way to offer any
customer at least one free session, even if it's a short one. Thirty minutes
will give you enough time to give a glance over a short manuscript or a sample
from a novel, or to look at an outline for a piece that a local business wants
you to do. By having this as a standard business practice, you have an easy out
for the person who comes up to you at the dinner party with their questions.
When approached for
free writing advice ("How can I do this?" or "Is it a good idea to have a gay
character in a Christian novel?") meet the person half-way. Throw him a bone, so
to speak. For example, when asked about the gay character in a Christian novel,
you don't have to go over all the ramifications of having one and not having
one, what kind of audience is the work for, and if the character is there simply
just to be there or does he serve an important function for the plot. You can
simply give him an answer such as, "Any author can have anything in their work.
It's more about the importance of the character and their personality to the
plot than it is about whether the content of the novel meshes with the author's
own religious beliefs, or the religious beliefs of the other characters for that
matter." If they ask if you'd like to look over their manuscript or an outline
of the novel at a later date, you can offer to meet with them.
Explain to them that what they are asking for does come at a price, but you do
offer the first thirty minutes (or hour, or first session all together, or
whatever your free offer is) at no charge. The same goes for students needing
help with their paper: give them a free hint from the start, but offer to give
them more later if they are willing to pay. It also might be a good idea to
offer discounts to students; after all, as somebody who wasn't too long ago a
student, I can understand when they say they just don't have the money.
If the person needing your help doesn't quite understand why you have to charge
(some may even be so bold as to come out and ask why), put her in your place. A
simple line such as "I'm sure you can understand how difficult the writing
process is, and how much time is invested in it, sometimes only to see that all
of your work needs to be re-worked from the ground up," can generate mass
quantities of empathy; maybe not enough for them to want to pay you, but at
least enough for them to understand why you need money in exchange for your
time.
And finally, it might be a good idea to have a certain region of your social
network that gets your expertise for free without question. Immediate family,
close friends, former college roommates-- all of these people may not understand
why they have to pay for something that, even if they didn't use to get it for
free, doesn't seem like something that big of a deal. You don't have to
broadcast to your paying customers that these people get a relationship
discount, but otherwise accept donations that they may want to give you but ask
for nothing flat-out.
By following this model, it's quite possible that you will get many loyal
customers, who are wiling to not only pay but spread your reputation as a great
writer and editor. Take the young man at that mixer, who had a chance for a date
if only he would be willing to do some work for free. He asked the young lady
what time would be good for her to meet and right on the spot scheduled a
session for her. The young man explained to her what his usual rates were but
said that he would be willing to give her at least one session for free. He
slyly emphasized the "you" when he told her that.
It beats wearing a
t-shirt that says "No, I will not edit your paper."
M. Brandon Robbins is a writer from Goldsboro, NC. A graduate of Mount Olive
College, he is currently in search of an agent for his first novel and has been
previously published by WomenGamers.com, Down in the Dirt Magazine, and the
Olive Branch, his alma mater's literary magazine. Feel free to visit his blog at
Letters from Grub Street.
