Of Kith and Kin

By Gargi Mehra

Here's the scene at my residence after I've just announced the publication of my first article in a leading Indian women's magazine:

Me (waving my contributor's copy): "Hey, everyone! My article has just been published!"

Father (in flat voice): "Ok, good."

Mother (brightly): "That's wonderful honey. But which article? Not that same old boring one!"

Sister (eyes not wavering from the idiot box): "Oh, God, I just wish Ross and Rachel would get together once and for all."

And there you have it. While I hadn't precisely expected them to clap their hands and prance about in joy, I had to admit that the folks' lukewarm reaction did much to dampen my spirits. This and several other incidents confirmed for me their majestic unconcern for my stupendous achievements in writing. And then I got to thinking-- what do we writers expect from the folks? A little brainstorming provided me with the following answers:

Attention

When we are talking excitedly, we demand their attention. Like the time I thought I had the most earth-shattering idea and communicated it to my mother.

Me: "Hey, Mom? What do you say I write an Indian version of Harry Potter?"

Mom: "That's great, darling. But I do wish you wouldn't cut the potatoes so shabbily."

Of course we want their attention only when we are asking for it. When we are writing, we permit (indeed, we command) them to freely take their thoughts and opinions elsewhere.

Support

This is defined as the family's undying faith in us as writers, and their confidence in our ability to pen the next record-breaking bestseller. The ideal family is one in which no member feels compelled to say, "You? Write? No way!"

Unfortunately a majority of them will say just that, and the only way around this is to hang a placard around your neck, saying, "Me write. You wrong."

Criticism

We do not desire the scathing variety, you understand, but something meaningful. Like the time I showed an article that I'd written for a women's magazine to my mom. After one reading she tossed it aside, saying she hadn't understood a word of what I'd written. Now, she represents my audience. If she didn't get it, then who would?

Praise

By praise we mean dollops of it, and that too directed at us. Tributes to other writers are also permitted, but they must be lukewarm, and lasting only for short intervals (as in a couple of milliseconds).

Specificity in feedback

The words "It's wonderful, dear" are pointless and convey little information. When we request feedback from our family members we do expect a deuced lot more than that. But of course we don't want pointed responses like my aunt told me once (with a dangerous gleam in her eyes, as it were), "I like that story of yours where the nosy woman spreads malicious gossip about her neighbors. I wonder where you got that idea from."

So the next time you're looking to add some zing to your writing life, consult the folks--  you won't be disappointed!

Gargi Mehra is a published writer from India. She is a software engineer by profession, but a writer at heart. Despite the best efforts of her family and friends, she writes humor pieces in a determined effort to unite the two sides of her brain in cerebral harmony. To shower her with bouquets or brickbats, check out her website at http://gargic-ivil.tripod.com/.