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Same World, Different View
By Fatima Aly Jaffer

Considering the fact that the issue of ethics and fraud in the case of Norma Khouri’s book Forbidden Love/Honor Lost is a volatile one, I prefer to put my disclaimer right up here so you can know exactly where I stand before you read the rest of this piece.

I can’t excuse Ms. Khouri for lying or even sympathize with her, but despite this, a part of me can understand what may have tempted her to do what she did.

When I first read Ms. Khouri’s book, I felt two completely different kinds of sorrow.  One was the natural grief for the women who are still being murdered in such horrific ways, but the other was a sadness that perhaps is limited to those who are like me – by that, I mean Muslim women.

It was a sadness that seemed to pulsate to the rhythm of the words “not again” over and over in my head.

You see, almost every ‘true story’ that comes out regarding Muslim women involves some sort of tale of oppression and a fight for liberation from the traditional norms of Islam.   It actually seems to be a foolproof formula for a best seller – the stories are exotically foreign, have plenty of conflict and the fight is always for a cause as noble as they come.

Perfect components that audiences thirst for.

That may sound a little cynical, but after reading novels that claim that “women waved their veils in the air in celebration of their liberation” and hearing news that women are finally being “freed from the veil,” I find my blood boiling at the way in which independent issues are being blended so easily into one twisted mess.

Rarely, if ever, have I seen a story from the perspective of the orthodox Muslim woman explaining why she chooses the life she does and how she feels about it.  Note the word ‘chooses.’ I’m not talking about the women who live in countries and cultures that force them to adhere to lifestyles they do not want.

I’m talking about the woman who puts on her veil voluntarily everyday before she leaves her house, the woman who decides for herself that she will not have a relationship with a man except her husband and a woman who does everything according to the faith she professes to because she WANTS to.

Such a story would be far from palatable to the general public.  After all, who wants to read about women who willingly succumb to ‘oppressive’ norms?  At best, they come across as spineless creatures without the will or strength to stand up against the boundaries imposed upon them.

Definitely not selling material.

Being a Muslim woman means having to accept the fact that a large number of people will always tag a pre-set stereotype on you, even if they are not aware of it themselves.

If I was to describe myself as I really am-- an orthodox Muslim, covering myself with the traditional black veil and performing all the acts that orthodox Muslims do-- chances are that people will expect me to have some sort of exciting story about how the men in my life stand over me like stern guardians, how they discriminate against me and my sisters and treat us like second class human beings.

I say this with confidence because I have met such people. More of them than I am comfortable counting.  For every one person who sees beyond my veil, there are at least three others who give me sidelong glances and move ever so cautiously away from me in the street.

As a writer, my faith presents an extra challenge for me.  I see the world through a totally different perspective, yet the majority of the markets available do not have an interest in the view from my window.

I constantly feel as if I am sitting on the inside, looking out.  Watching a world go by that follows rules that are foreign to me.  I sift through what is available and taking what I find familiar, create a picture of what the world looks like to others from the words they use.  In this I find the greatest pleasure of being part of the writer community: that I can learn and understand so much about a lifestyle I will never experience just through the writings of those who care to share what they think and feel.

But sometimes, I want to share too.

I want to explain that living life as a Muslim is different, but it’s also the same.  We eat and drink, we have parties and make friends, we love and we marry, we have children and like all mothers would give up our lives for them.

It is only that we do these things differently.  Very differently.  It’s kind of like a kaleidoscope I once had as a child.  The same little bits of colored, stained glass, the same long tube to look down, but every twist creating a new, unique composition.

I feel like the world is seeing one pattern and I am a few twists away, watching the same things make a different yet equally beautiful design.

I am Muslim woman and this fact is fundamental in defining my personal writing voice.  But rather than being able to explore it and experiment with how people react to it, I have to pause and worry if some security program somewhere is setting off ear-shattering klaxons, because I used the words ‘Muslim’ and ‘fundamental’ in the same sentence... oops! I did it again! (Earplugs anyone?)

When I think of Ms. Khouri, I imagine that she may have been desperate to write a book that would make her famous.  Perhaps she was tempted to re-work an old formula instead of finding her own new one.  Perhaps she truly believed she was doing the cause of Jordanian women a great good.  Whatever her reason, she has left behind an even stronger need in me to share my perspective, whenever I can find someone willing to listen.

My story, and that of other women like me, is exotic and foreign, it has conflict and a triumphant victory.  However, the ending may not be quite what people expect or want to hear.

But that’s the very best thing about being a writer.   You can make any story a best seller, as long as your voice is honest and sincere in its need to express.

Fatima Aly Jaffer is a Muslim woman struggling to blend the traditional and modern into one harmonious new identity.  She is far from succeeding or giving up.  In the meantime, she writes for local Kenyan newspapers and is editor for a children’s magazine where she has found her most loyal fans and stern critics. Anyone who wishes to hear her ramblings can write to her at alijaffer786@hotmail.com

 

 

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