Amazon Bestseller Day Diary
By Random Narrator Who Is Not Jenna Glatzer

Preface: Jenna Glatzer used Randy Gilbert's Amazon Best Seller Secrets system to try to get her new book, Outwitting Writer's Block and Other Problems of the Pen, onto Amazon.com's bestseller list.  Her "big day" was November 19th, 2003.  Press release is here.

12:01 a.m. Amazon rank: 3,578.  Glatzer takes note of day’s starting point and tries to calm nerves. 

12:12 a.m.  Glatzer gets note from Chandra Czape at Ed2010.com (who doubles as editor at Ladies’ Home Journal) informing her that Czape would be happy to announce Glatzer’s book to Ed2010 subscribers.  Glatzer is amazed she had nerve to ask such a thing of such prestigious editor, but now glad. 

12:30 a.m.  Glatzer gets nice e-mail from Moira Allen at Writing-World.com to tell her that her book promo is on the front page of the site.  Glatzer goes to said site and is rendered speechless as she realizes Allen put Glatzer’s book announcement before Allen’s own newly-released book.  Glatzer starts crying.  Fiance laughs at her.

1:07 a.m.  New edition of FictionAddiction.net arrives in inbox, wherein there appears an announcement about book promo.  She notices that editor Apryl Duncan referred to her as “our friend Jenna Glatzer,” which makes her feel warm and fuzzy.

3:29 a.m.  Amazon rank: 3,561.  Feels it’s necessary to shower.  On her way, bumps into low-flying doorknob and cuts self.

4:13 a.m. Rank hasn’t budged.  Author tries not to shake computer monitor and say “Is this thing stuck?”

4:33 a.m.  Um, excuse me, rank?  Do you think you could move a little?  Which direction?  Oh, North would be good.  Do you see the Da Vinci Code?  Yeah, just move in that direction.

4:35 a.m.  Author goes title ego-surfing on Google.  For those not in the know, ego-surfing is searching for your own name.  Title ego-surfing, by extension, would be searching for the title of your book to see if anyone’s talking about it on the web.  Along the way, she stops at Amazon.co.uk (rank: 121,487), Amazon.de (rank: 1.082.201) and Amazon.fr, where she cannot figure out if there is a rank, but she’s hoping it’s this: Classement parmi les ventes Amazon.fr : 1 577, though doubtful.  She notes her publisher has a graphic of the book cover on their front page.  Nothing else new since last time she title ego-surfed (er, yesterday).

4:47 a.m.  Glatzer quits distracting self and gets back to important business at hand: Watching Amazon.com rank like hawk.  3,557.  Book has knocked four others out of their comfy spots.  Glatzer laughs cruelly, then realizes she is bad, bad person.

5:42 a.m.  Amazon.com rank: 1,858.  Glatzer quits caring about being bad person and screams for fiancé to come look at her computer screen.  Fiancé yells back, “What?”  Glatzer says, “Just come here!”  Fiancé ignores her, which is fair, because she’s been ignoring him while he paints his office.

5:57 a.m.  Glatzer realizes that fiancé was not actually in next room painting quietly as expected, but was fast asleep, and she woke him up twice.  Glatzer is bad, bad person.  To punish self, she will not refresh rank page for at least thirty more seconds.  Sends promotional e-mail to WorkForWriters list.

6:06 a.m.  Ranking hasn’t moved, and neither has author.  She gets nice “good luck” e-mail from Mridu Khullar at WritersCrossing.com.  Glatzer writes back and they chat a bit about time zones and one of them not wanting to fall asleep so she doesn’t miss high point.

6:19 a.m.  Ranking still same.  Glatzer thinks of cliché analogies about watched pots not boiling and watched phones not ringing.  She averts eyes and makes big point of letting Amazon rank know she is not looking at it, so it can just quietly move on its own.  Wonders if this is like cats not wanting to use litter box in front of humans for modesty’s sake. 

6:20 a.m.  Diabolical plan works.  Amazon rank: 1,840.  Gets e-mail from Khullar again, this time to offer to watch ranking for her while Glatzer takes nap.  Glatzer cries again.  Sometimes goodness of people too much for her small brain to process all at once.

6:28 a.m. Visits forums and sees note from Rachel, who is also watching Glatzer’s ranking and tells her she’s about to order the book. 

6:36 a.m.  Glatzer decides it is time for cereal.

6:53 a.m.  Rank still same, and has not had that cereal she mentioned 17 minutes ago.  Looks at Roberta Gale’s website and thinks about media coaching.  Wonders if she needs some.  Fantasizes about hordes of reporters showing up tomorrow morning, asking, “Are you THE Jenna Glatzer who is a bestselling author on Amazon.com?”  Ponders asking for very fast coaching.  Recalls that she can’t even get hometown newspaper to talk to her.  Decides to eat that cereal after all.

7:01 a.m.  It is Honey Bunches of Oats with Real Strawberries, and it is good.  Glatzer has affinity for freeze-dried berries.  Likes them even better than the fresh kind.  Of course, Glatzer also likes Taco Bell.  Gets letter of encouragement from stranger.  Feels happy. 

7:02 a.m.  Receives Absolute Write Newsletter and nearly thanks self for all the nice things she said about self.

7:03 a.m.  Amazon.com rank: 1,677.  One person e-mails to say he can’t open one of the e-book bonuses.  Glatzer gets nervous and hopes others aren’t having that problem.  Goes to check site, but her computer crashes.  Stupid computer.

7:21 a.m.  Makes it back online to find out that... indeed, one file is damaged.  Doesn’t know how that happened and is surprised no one told her sooner.  Re-uploads file.  Takes forever.  Glatzer freaks out a little and worries that all who ordered book before 7:21 a.m. will think she’s fraud for offering damaged e-book bonus.  Knows she checked all this out a week ago.  Doesn’t understand how file got mangled in intervening time.

7:31 a.m.  Knew day could not go without hitch.  Aforementioned e-book file works fine from hard drive, but when Glatzer uploads to site and then downloads again, doesn’t work.  Freaking out a moderate amount.  Now is almost hoping rank does not move for next half-hour so she can make sure this is sorted out.

7:35 a.m.  Freaking out called off.  Problem fixed.  Rank same.  Okay, rank, she apologizes for jumping the gun.  Please continue on as planned.  Did say “almost” hoping, after all.  Was not a full-fledged hope.

7:50 a.m.  Gets note of encouragement from Jennifer Hollowell of jmhcreativesolutions.com, who is going around to message boards to encourage people to Christmas shop for writers they know and love.  Hollowell uses many exclamation points in part of letter where she says she can’t wait to hear how this goes.  Glatzer not normally a fan of extra exclamation points, but for some reason, really loves these ones.  Rank same.

7:55 a.m.  Gets solo ad from Sell Writing Online promoting book.  Forgot to update ad to say that now has $100 worth of bonuses, not $70, but suspects this is not big problem.

7:56 a.m.  Amazon.com rank: 1093.  Anticipates joy of breaking into three digits, which seems rather inevitable now.  Eyes drooping a bit, but fighting urge to nap.  Which is silly.  Should nap.  If not now, then when?  Will not want to nap later.  Later will be more nail-biting tension if upward trend continues.

8:02 Hollowell tells Glatzer she is off to buy stocking stuffer for writer.  Glatzer grins, because Hollowell already has two copies of book.  Friends are nice people to have.  Glatzer bargains with self to take a nap when three digits arrive.

8:05 a.m.  Plays couch decorating game at Lifetime TV site, which is rather like Tetris without time constraints.

8:11 a.m.  Piece went where it was not supposed to go.  Glatzer gets frustrated and presses “back” button to see if piece will go back, but no.  Game restarts.  Loses all that furniture she so carefully designed over last six minutes.

8:12 a.m.  Gets note of encouragement from Anthony Tedesco at MarketsForWriters.com, who has always been so good to her.

8:27 a.m.  Score on Lifetime TV decorating game is 46,000.  If only had gotten the striped corner couch piece in time!  As rank has not moved, decides to play again.

8:44 a.m.  Randy from The Inside Success Show calls.  He’s the one who started whole crazy idea in the first place—after all, he wrote book on it.  He is missing Glatzer’s promo material and asks for it.

8:56 a.m.  659!  659!  GLATZER HAS HIT THE THREE-DIGIT MARK!  Doesn’t know what to do with herself, so rearranges couches on Lifetime TV again and winds up with a score of 43,000, though thinks she was robbed.

9:33 a.m.  Gets letter of support from friend RoseEtta Stone, and a college friend writes to say she’s just ordered a copy.  Said college friend is not a writer, which makes it even sweeter.  Awakens parents.  Father offers to buy copies of books.  Glatzer reminds him that he is her father and does not need to pay for books daughter has written.  But tells him that if she needs him in home stretch, she will call.

9:38 a.m.  Two new five-star reviews have cropped up!  One is from Randy, is not sure who other is from.  Possibly Hollowell?  Mentions buying book as Christmas presents for clients, which is what makes her wonder. 

9:43 a.m.  Rank same.  Time for coffee.  Remembers bargain she made with self about taking nap at three digits.  Decides bargain is off and life is rarely this exciting.

9:46 a.m.  Fly buzzing all over room, but she is unable to see it.  Perhaps behind bookshelf?  Cat of Glatzer valiantly walks around with menacing look, ready to pounce, but cat not able to see it, either.  Rachel is playing the Lifetime couch game with Glatzer.  Well, not with Glatzer, but at the same time as Glatzer, which makes her feel less lonely.  Yes, coffee.  Will make coffee.

9:56 a.m.  Amazon.com rank: 293.  Plans to make coffee more often.  Proves theory about how a watched ranking never moves.  Encourages ranking to saddle up closer to that Dan Brown fellow.

10:08 a.m.  Tells father about new rank.  He says, “No shit” and “hot snot.”  As she recaptures this quote in print, realizes how disgusting it is.  Mother is out at gym.  Glatzer cannot fathom how person who created her could be out pedaling exercise bike at time like this.  Father mentions going out to dinner to celebrate.  Glatzer wonders if can keep eyelids propped open that long.

10:12 a.m.  Gets letter from old friend who plans to buy book today.  Goes back to message board to tell good news about new rank, but Rachel has already posted the news.  Plans to ask Rachel to be new best friend.

10:18 a.m.  Taken to reloading Amazon page incessantly, every few seconds, even though knows new rank will not appear for at least another half-hour, if experience is any measure.  Decides to see all the books that are not ranked 293.  Has beat Mark Twain by embarrassingly large factor.

10:35 a.m.  Restarted computer due to fatal errors, running too slowly, etc.  Perhaps was couch game’s fault.  Remembers wants to buy Damn! Why Didn’t I Write That?  Offered to review it, but publicist didn’t send, so must fork over money. 

10:48 a.m.  Experiencing dire impatience because rank due to change any minute.

10:49 a.m.  145!!  Rank is 145!  45 more to go and Glatzer will be in bestseller circle.  Wonders if should buy new hat.  Calls father, who is on phone with wonderful cousin, and he puts them on conference call.  Wonderful cousin has just ordered book from Barnes and Noble.

11:05 a.m.  Randy watching Glatzer’s rank, too.  Sends cute note.  Glatzer running out of cigarettes. 

11:14 a.m.  Takes care of Absolute Write duties, such as answering e-mails and sending out e-books.  Fears will never possibly answer all e-mails that have accumulated in inbox.  Cat of Glatzer bangs head against her hand for attention.  She gives in.

11:19 a.m.  Father writes one of sweetest letters Glatzer has ever gotten, starting with “Have I told you lately how proud I am of you?”  Glatzer takes moment just to smile and not check book rank.

11:24 a.m.  Has mindlessly started reloading things that do not need reloading.  Reloaded message board on accident, then tried to reload Word document.  Randy taught Glatzer how to make screen capture, so she has been capturing everything since 659, just in case didn’t go higher.  Will never know what is highest point until rank starts dropping.

11:31 a.m.  Father ordered ten books, and then was upset that rank did not immediately change.  Glatzer explained about the rank-changes-once-an-hour-or-so theory.

11:49 a.m.  Editor of Make a Real Living as a Freelance Writer sends Glatzer good wishes about the “big day.”

11:51 a.m. 74!!!!!!!!  74!!!!!!!!  Glatzer runs out of words.  Sinks in all at once: now a best-selling author.

12:35 p.m.  Rowdy at fwointl.com writes to congratulate Glatzer on best-sellerdom.  Anthony at MarketsForWriters.com has bookmarked her page so he can keep watching it through the day.

12:41 p.m.  Knows that rank is supposed to change any minute now.  Gets antsy.  Writes e-mails.

12:50 p.m.  41.  41.  41.  Has used up all her exclamation points, but that doesn’t make her any less excited.  Goes off in search of snack food and the lighter fiancé stole when she woke him up with squealing at 11:51.  Squealing was to parents, but fiancé has good ears.

1:11 p.m.  Battles fatigue and bad hair.  Forgot to get snack earlier, so reaches for Tropical Medley, conveniently placed on scanner for times when she forgets to get snacks.

1:20 p.m.  Katy Terrega warns Glatzer that Amazon.co.uk has wrong cover art and strange listing.  Turns out book is listed twice on Amazon.co.uk: once correctly, once incorrectly.  But rank there is 3,112.

1:41 p.m.  Fiancé insists that she come look at paint colors, despite fact that she knows rank is about to change.

1:50 p.m.  Mom of Glatzer calls and screams “Twenty-five!”  Offers to take Glatzer and Fiancé of Glatzer to lunch, but Glatzer is keeping eyes open with toothpicks and can’t fathom thought of sitting in restaurant and not dribbling and twitching.  Also, can’t bear thought of leaving Amazon rankings by its lonesome for so long.  Mom of Glatzer offers to pick up deli sandwiches and come celebrate at their home instead.

1:57 p.m.  Fran Harris writes joyous congratulatory note, and editor of College Bound magazine does, too.  Received copy from Glatzer’s publicist and says it’s great stuff.

2:09 p.m.  Amy Brozio-Andrews begins forwarding congratulations notes from readers to Glatzer.  Glatzer is tremendously moved that they are watching her rank and writing to her with encouragement.

2:11 p.m.  Clock seems to taunt Glatzer by slowing to a crawl.  Isn’t time for another update yet?  Perhaps a little nudge northwards... perhaps toward the top 10?  Alas, no, next update won’t come for forty minutes.  Visits people in forums, who goad her onward.  This is the good kind of exhaustion.

2:30 p.m.  Partner of Glatzer notices rank and sends exuberant instant message.

2:44 p.m.  Glatzer may wet self before day is over if rankings don’t hurry up and change.  Reminds self over and over: Don’t be disappointed if it goes down.  25 is good.  25 is very good.

2:48 p.m.  Glatzer is happy she can quit lying to self about the not being disappointed thing: rank is 17.

4:12 p.m.  16!  Rank may have taken Glatzer too literally... is now next to Dan Brown, albeit not the correct book of Brown’s, which Glatzer didn’t take into account.  Is now right under Angels & Demons.  Glatzer now specifies to rank: Snuggle up closer to Brown’s other best-selling book. 

4:46 p.m.  Neighbor of Glatzer comes to ask if we have any carbon paper.  By this point, Glatzer is leaning on wall for support and eyes are crooked and mostly closed.  Mother of Glatzer has come back to look for pocketbook she left behind at lunch, which is convenient, because she can still speak in full sentences to neighbor, allowing Glatzer to simply grunt in agreement from time to time.

4:52 p.m.  Ranking!  Hello?  Isn’t it time for a change of scenery?  Perhaps you’d like to move over next to the South Beach Diet.

4:58 p.m.  13!  13!  The exclamation points have, apparently, been replenished.  Perhaps this is like hot water in the shower... as long as you turn it off and wait a while, it comes back.  Is now in state of raw panic about single digit numbers.  Can’t bear to come this far and not make it to top 10.  Must make top 10. 

5:39 p.m.  Could it be that Glatzer has broken Amazon?  The site is down.  She believes this is because her page is getting so much traffic that the hordes of people rushing to buy Outwitting Writer’s Block have overloaded the server.  Hey, shush, she can dream!

5:45 p.m.  Site is working again, and none too soon, because is just about time for another rank update.  Nail biting would commence, except that she has no more nails left to bite.

6:00 p.m.  Does double-take to make sure is not fooling self into seeing what wants to see, nor hallucinating from lack of sleep.  But no.  Is true.  TEN.  TEN!  Has made it!  Has made it to top 10 on Amazon! 

6:18 p.m.  Calls parents, then aunt.  Fiance is off teaching children how to play instruments.  Surprises her by calling from middle of lesson to ask how rank is doing.  She tells.  He says, “You did it!” 

6:37 p.m.  Has gotten congratulatory e-mails from Barbara at placesforwriters.com, Katy at sex-writer.com, as well as several readers who’ve written in to tell her they ordered the book, and in some cases, more than one copy.  Father has gotten e-mails from friends who ordered copies, one of whom father did not know was a writer.

6:53 p.m.  Paranoid that will drop down one spot and be kicked off front page of best-sellers.  Reloads incessantly again.  Is happy where she is and does not wish to leave.

6:56 p.m.  Is not funny.  Is playing with heavy-hitters now and feels like is in exclusive club and any minute, they will notice she is there and does not belong and have bouncers escort her away.

6:59 p.m.  Partner points out that Glatzer is three spots ahead of Harry Potter.

7:03 p.m.  Either Amazon is late with update, or Glatzer stays put at number 10 this hour.

7:14 p.m.  Has grown pimples.  Two of them.  On nose and on cheek.

7:49 p.m.  Meryl K. Evans at eNewsletter Journal writes to say issue with my promo is going out right now. 

8:26 p.m.  Amazon rank: 9.  Is responding to so many congratulatory e-mails from readers, friends, family, can’t keep up with them and thinks this is the loveliest problem to have.

8:30 p.m.  Remembers there are other priorities in life, such as taping Angel so can continue focusing on obsessive mouse-clicking.

9:08 p.m.  Amazon rank:  SEVEN!  Angel is recording, but Glatzer’s book is sandwiched between James Patterson’s and Stephen King’s.  Yes, that is correct: She has actually outsold Stephen King today. 

9:36 p.m.  Doesn’t know how eyes manage to see when they are mere slits.  Is feeling that to hope for anything higher than seven is just being greedy.

10:01 p.m.  Is staying at seven this hour.  Noticed other books’ orders changed, but hers didn’t.  Now is between Gary Larson and Stephen King.  Fiancé brought sushi!  Time for dinner.

12:27 a.m.  Took break and asked mom to babysit Amazon ranking.  When came back, book was just changing to number FOUR.  Number one in reference, number four overall.  Mind-blowing.  Unreal. 

1:25 a.m.  Still strong at number four.

2:31 a.m.  Holding steady.  Cannot keep eyes open any longer and must take a bit of a slumber.  Fiancé promises to keep watch and wake Glatzer if rank goes any higher, which she can’t imagine it possibly would, but then again, never expected it to make it to number four, either.  One of happiest days of Glatzer’s life, and finally time to rest.

Afterword: Glatzer went to sleep at about 3:15, after unsuccessfully fighting the urge to check for one last update.  The rank stayed at 4 until about 11 a.m., then hung in the top 10 for most of the day.  Since then, it's bounced up and down quite a bit.

Lyons had to immediately do a second printing of the book, the New Yorker requested review copies, and she got several interview requests.  It's too early to tell what impact this will have on total book sales, but she is supremely happy with the outcome.

You can order Amazon Best Seller Secrets here.

Read about Outwitting Writer's Block and Jenna's other books here: http://www.absolutewrite.com/jenna/books.htm.

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