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How to Brutalize Your Work-- And Make It Sparkle Essential Concepts for Editing and Polishing Like a Pro By Roscoe Barnes III
Excerpted from Secrets of a Writing Hustler: How to Beat the Odds, Overcome Rejection, and Succeed as a Writer (Filbert Publishing, 2005)
Remember Bruce Lee?
He was that famous martial artist that stunned the world with superhuman-like exploits on the big screen. Although he died in 1973, his legacy lives on.
The other day as I was working on a fundraising letter, I found myself thinking about the martial arts master. (I confess he was my childhood idol.) As I continued working, I began applying some of the principles that Bruce Lee made famous.
That’s right. A man considered one of the greatest fighters of all times actually inspired me to write some good copy. Here’s how.
You see, after Bruce Lee had mastered many different fighting styles, he invented a system of his own which he called Jeet Kune Do-- the art of the intercepting fist. He defined it as a style that is not a style and a system that was extremely practical as it focused on using what works in actual combat. Nothing less and nothing more.
Stripping for effectiveness
In Jeet Kune Do, Bruce Lee stressed the importance of stripping a style down to the bare essentials. To be effective as a fighter, he said, one should be simple and direct, moving with no wasted motions.
Well, that single idea about “stripping” was the thing I needed to polish my copy in the war of words. I smiled and nodded to Bruce as I wrote my piece using simple and direct terms.
Indeed, the best writing is that which has been edited and revised: It is stripped of excess verbiage and trimmed into a fine-tuned, simple work of communication.
“Complicated writing seems to come naturally,” wrote Norman B. Rohrer. “Simplified writing takes a lot more work.”
It is for that reason, I dare say, that writers must be brutal. “Editing hurts,” said Thomas A. Noton. “One must bleed internally in order to cut his work and make it the best it can be.” When it comes to being understood, persuasive, and effective in print, writers must be willing to sacrifice pet phrases, puffed-up adjectives, vague nouns, and other nuances to improve their work.
Kurt Vonnegut, famed author of Slaughterhouse-Five, once said that writers should be hard on themselves. They should be ruthless, relentless, and downright brutal with their prose, stripping it of everything that doesn’t matter. “Have the guts to cut,” he said in How to Use the Power of the Printed Word (Anchor Book, 1985). “Be merciless on yourself. If a sentence does not illuminate your subject in some new and useful way, scratch it out.”
Stripping for precision
In our efforts to make our words work, the first goal is to be precise. The idea is to tell the story or to make an appeal in the fewest words possible.
“Vigorous writing is concise,” noted William Strunk in his classic book The Elements of Style. “A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts.”
Bruce Lee taught that “wasted motion” could get a fighter in trouble. The same could be said of writers who waste words: Too many can put readers to sleep. It results in what copywriter Herschell Gordon Lewis calls “snore copy.” Worse, too many words may seem impenetrable on the page and thereby force readers to ignore the copy altogether.
Other items worth cutting
In pointing out the above factors, however, I should mention that brevity is not a cure-all for writing. There are other items worth stripping:
* Gobbledygook
It’s all too easy to fall into business lingo, “business speak” or professional jargon when writing copy. The result is bloated writing that is too wordy and too hard to understand. Such writing is hard on readers. Sometimes it requires a second or third reading before the piece is understood. In an article for The Direct Response Specialist (July 1993), Dr. Luther Brock gave this advice: “Plain talk please. Plumbers won’t understand if you write like a college professor-- but professors will understand if it’s plain to a plumber.”
* Formal language
How often have you seen such expressions as: “Enclosed please find …”? If you are prone to use such a phrase, please gather the courage to try another one. Bring a conversational tone to your copy. Strike out the words and phrases that make your copy read like a stale lecture or dull report.
* Generalities
Details, in most cases, are more convincing and more powerful than generalities. Strive to tell readers exactly what they need to know and what you want them to do. Leave no room for guessing. “Platitudes and generalities roll off the human understanding like water from a duck,” said pioneer copywriter Claude Hopkins. “They leave no impression whatever.”
* Weak adjectives
Piling adjectives in front of nouns is a common temptation. But take a note from old Papa Hemingway. He wrote extremely well using few adjectives-- and in some cases, no adjectives. Instead, he relied on strong verbs and nouns that could stand on their own.
* Passive voice
Instead of saying “the goal was met by the organization,” say “the organization met the goal.” By using the active voice, you breathe life into your work, making it stronger.
* I-centered copy
Some personal references are useful. But too much is overkill. Better to infuse your writing with “you” references, especially in sales copy. That makes it more personable-- and direct. Or simply write in the third person. That can bring a sense of objectivity in general nonfiction pieces.
* Extra words
Sometimes a single word is better than two. Think about contractions. They can keep copy lively. In good conversational copy, “you’re” is preferred over “you are.” “Can’t” is better than “cannot.”
* Big words
Watch out for the words that impress but don’t inform. Choose the simple words that one would normally use in everyday conversations. Instead of using “approximately,” try “about.” Instead of “complications,” use “problems.” In most cases, simple is better when it comes to crafting good copy.
* Intellectual teasers
“An emotional appeal will outpull an intellectual appeal,” says Hershell Gordon Lewis. “Logic has its place in a debate … but we aren’t debating with prospective donors, we’re asking them for money.” There is a place for writing that feeds the intellect, but it must be used with care, especially in commercial copy-- writing that’s meant to sell.
Finding beauty in brutalized copy
For a long time I thought of “stripping” as a bad word. I believed “brutal” was term reserved for the violent. But since applying those terms (and their underlying concepts) to the craft of writing, I have adopted them as vital tools for the trade. Consistent use of them actually forced me to be simple and direct, something that benefits me in most forms of writing. Oh, it hurts at times, to cut up and throw out my words. But as the cliché goes, “no pain, no gain,” right? “The trick to writing well is in the editing,” says author Robert Kalian. “I don’t know anyone who can turn out great work the first time they sit down to write something.”
In his book, So You Want to Be a Writer (eBookstand.com, 2002), Carl Perrin gives some good advice on editing. He notes that whereas revising concerns itself with the broad structure of the work, editing looks at the details. Editing, he says, is where you can look at the paragraphs and sentences and make sure they flow smoothly. He writes:
· “Be sure you have transitional words and expressions where you need them to show relationships between ideas. Look at your sentences and make sure they are all structurally correct. · “Check your grammar. Be sure that all your pronouns go with their antecedents correctly. Check your subjects and verbs to be sure they agree. Make sure your modification is all clear. · “Check your punctuation and capitalization. If you’re not sure about a point in either of these areas, look it up in your reference manual. If you’re not sure where to look to check those things, if you’re not sure what some of the terms mean, get someone else to check your grammar for you, but eventually you’re going to have to learn it yourself.”
Galen Stilson, noted copywriter and editor of The Direct Response Specialist, suggested the use of a tape recorder. He encouraged writers to record their writing and then play it back, and listen carefully. “What you’re listening for,” he said, “are sentences that are too long (no sentence should require more than one breath)… any stumbling blocks to smooth copy flow… confusing words… awkward combinations of words or phrases… words that are difficult to pronounce… too much ‘we’ and not enough of ‘you’… possible misconceptions, misperceptions, and negative connotations.”
In some cases, you may find it useful to develop a checklist. If so, use it like the pilots who check their aircraft to ensure that everything is functioning in a safe manner. When you complete a project, get feedback from another reader, who will likely catch things that you missed. Try to find someone who might be a prospective reader-- not just a spouse or friend. Those close to you may be too close to give you an objective opinion.
Once this is done, put the work aside for a day or two. Step away from it and work on other projects. When you return, you’ll see the copy with fresh eyes and in a new light. At that time, I’m willing to bet, you will see things you didn’t see before. And you’ll discover the beauty of brutalizing your work.
(c) Copyright 2005 by Roscoe Barnes III
Roscoe Barnes III is an award-winning journalist, freelance copywriter, and author of the new book, Secrets of a Writing Hustler: How to Beat the Odds, Overcome Rejection, and Succeed as a Writer (Filbert Publishing, 2005). For details, visit: http://www.filbertpublishing.com/hustler.htm. Barnes is also the author of The Guide to Effective Gospel Tract Ministry Church Growth Institute, 2004) Details at: http://www.churchgrowth.org.
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