|
||||||||||
|
Subscribe to the Absolute Write Newsletter and get the Agents! Agents! Agents! report free! Click here.
|
Win a 1-year subscription to Writer's Digest by subscribing to Absolute Markets-- all paying markets for your writing. Click here. |
|
| |||||||||||||
|
|
Conquer Jealousy-- Wish Other Writers Well By Noelle Sterne, Ph.D.
I know what you're thinking: "Wish other writers well? Are you crazy? I want to wish only one writer well: TV-succumbing, block-wrestling, draft-dodging me!"
I feel the same. But my possibly shocking suggestion is prompted by the distasteful results of my own un-wishing other writers: endless bouts of teeth-grinding jealousy, interminable comparisons where I always come up short, and hollow days of hopeless non-writing.
The worst spell, which lasted for a decade, started during graduate school. I wanted only to get through, get situated somewhere cozy to teach freshman English, and get on with my writing career. Instead, I watched a classmate, who hadn't even finished her thesis, achieve my dream-- she published a novel that dazzled the literary world. Every newspaper book section trumpeted rave reviews, and every bookstore built pyramids of her bestseller.
I tried to block it all out by immersing myself in my thesis on eighteenth-century English poets, but even the pun-jabbing satire of Pope and Swift, which I loved, couldn't lessen her pervasiveness. The more she was praised, the lower I sank.
I became chronically depressed and crossed the street whenever a bookstore loomed. My schoolwork suffered, my personal writing fled to the basement, and my friends' answering machines announced they'd gone to Alaska on winter vacations.
It got worse. Soon it wasn't only her ever-swelling accomplishments that pierced my chest. My envy spread like a scratched rash. Now, whenever I read of anyone who had published a book, launched a speaking tour, or sold tape and workbook spinoffs, the wounds burned like acid, and I wanted to run to the closet and lock myself in.
But finally, I'd had enough. And I realized from all this suffering that jealousy of other writers just doesn't work.
Why? They don't plunge into despair at the news of their advance/article/ assignment/ agent/best-seller/book tour/contract /miniseries/Oprah selection, etc., etc. They don't lose all interest and hope, condemn all their writing as drivel, or swear there will never be enough to go around. They don't snap at everyone in sight, eat way too much, and write way too little.
Who does? You guessed it.
All that unproductive pain pushed me to do something about my mindset, and I discovered two remedies. The first is in attitude, the second in action.
The Better Way to See the Writers We Envy
Despite their intimidating achievements, I realized, our sorely envied colleagues are like us. They too get cavities, have to shave, run out of coffee, deal with demanding relatives, and accumulate roomfuls of rejections.
Yes, they've had successes, sometimes stunning ones, ones we may hardly imagine ourselves reaching. But no matter how stellar their past credits, they, like us, must still wake up the next day and face the blinding blank page or screen. Like us, they must "prove" themselves yet again. And in their position, this demand can be harder than if they didn't have much recognition at all.
And they may know something we've forgotten: an overnight success never is. They know how hard and long they've worked. They know the private, dragging history of disappointments on the way to success. In fact, our colleagues exemplify the truth of all those shrugged-off clichés:
My conviction in these truisms was first put to the test with that same college classmate. When her third well-received novel came out, I decided to exorcise the demon. So I wrote her a letter.
As it all spilled out, red-faced I told her of my long jealousy of her and how it had thwarted my writing. I told her I admired her work nevertheless-- which was true-- and only slightly less sincerely I wished her well with her in-progress fourth novel. After sending the letter, I sat at my desk and cried for a long time.
She never replied, but that letter freed me tremendously. Even though I still avoided bookstores, I gradually resumed writing and began to publish.
The Better Way to Act Toward Writers We Envy
The effects of this letter on me led to the second way to deal with jealousy of other writers. As I did with my college peer, I advise you to do the same: make a conscious practice of wishing them well.
I admit it may not come easily. On the heels of my victory, I was shortly put to the test again. In a single week, I learned of several writing friends' triumphs. One received a prestigious award for her children's book, another signed a contract for her first historical novel, and the third published a short story in a top literary magazine.
At first I reverted to my old ways, clutched my chest, and almost went straight to bed with a fifty-pound bag of chips. But then, remembering that earlier letter and how I'd felt afterwards, I resisted crawling under the quilt and instead fumbled for my computer. Defying the green gods of rejected writers, I fired off notes of congratulation to all three writing colleagues.
And I wasn't fibbing. For one thing, as with my college classmate's work, I can't help praising a good piece of writing, whoever's written it. For another, I recalled a wise preacher's words: If you curse those who are more successful than you, you'll never be one of them. Bless them instead.
My congratulatory notes were certainly forms of "blessings," and I was immediately rewarded.
All jealousy dissolved, depression faded, and spirit returned. I leaped into a manuscript I'd been avoiding for weeks and did splendid battle for several hours, finishing an entire third draft.
More rewards came. The children's author sent a copy of her book, beautifully inscribed. The historical novel writer called and offered a personal referral to her agent. And the short story author wrote a moving letter. My words, he said, had pulled him out of a slump so severe he was sure he'd never write anything again. With my note at his keyboard, he'd just started another story.
What's Behind Wishing Other Writers Well
Needless to say, I was thrilled. And I started thinking about the roots of jealousy and why it works to wish other writers well. The basis of jealousy is self-devaluation:
Believing all this, we then internalize our sense of lack, and it shows up as depression and gloom. As I proved too well, we can easily continue in this rut almost interminably, defeating ourselves further. In this state, one thing is certain-- we won't accomplish much.
Why We Should Wish Other Writers Well
But, as I also saw, we outwit jealousy when we wish other writers well. Look what happens:
The next time you feel jealous of another writer, remember the small place in you it comes from and the harmful things you're telling yourself. Remember your jealousy hurts only you and halts your progress. Remember the principles, attitudes, and actions suggested here to vanquish your envy.
You'll not only be giving the other writer well-deserved recognition and pleasure, but, most importantly, you'll be loosening your own self-defeating beliefs. You'll spring back into your own writing with renewed vigor and dedication. And sometime soon, one of those writers you were once jealous of will call, write, e-mail, or knock at your door. When you open it, someone will be standing there, maybe with a box of pen refills but certainly with a smile, and, as you've so often done with others, you'll hear a fellow writer heartily wishing you well.
With a Ph.D. in English and Comparative Literature from Columbia University, Noelle Sterne is a writer, editor, writing coach, and consultant for fiction, nonfiction, academic, and business projects, and other creative enterprises. For two years, she wrote a monthly column for the writers’ newsletter Seasons For Writing, and a short story recently won an award and publication in the CrossTIME Anthology. She has published how-to articles in many writers’ magazines and online resources, including Absolute Write, Writer’s Digest special issues, Writer’s Forum, and Writers’ Journal. Additional essays are scheduled for 2007 and beyond in Once Upon A Time, Writers’ Journal, The Writer, and a Writer’s Digest annual, among other publications. Her motivational/practical/inspirational book for writers First You Find Your Desk: Start Writing and Keep Writing with Less Agony and More Joy is currently in publisher review.
|
Sponsored links 
Make a Real Living as a Freelance Writer! How to find a book publisher |
Text on this site Copyright © 1998-2007
Absolute Write, all rights reserved.
|
