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Killer First Lines

By Susan Sundwall
 

Consider this: there's not a single person on this planet who cares whether or not you ever write another word.

 

I'll bet you pulled away from this newsletter and instantly formulated an answer back didn't you? That's because my first line is loaded, and it gets your attention by touching a nerve. First lines can do that. A well-written first line is like the front door on an intriguing old house. It invites us to pass through to the unique experience that's on the other side. So what goes into the creation of killer first lines? There is no magic wand to produce them but here are some basic things to consider.

 

  1. Dynamic versus static – The root word for dynamic and dynamite are the same; dynamis, meaning power or strength. It pertains to energy or power in motion and is in direct opposition to static, which means to stand or rest. A dynamic first line will set the tone for your entire piece. It doesn't always have to be an explosive line, but it should arrest your readers' attention and entice them to read on.

  2. Mood setting – Like that looming front door, the first line brings your reader through a portal into the world you've created for them. That line greets them with a smile, a leer, a shout or perhaps an awful truth. It allows you to shut the door behind them and hand over the gift of escape.

  3. The power of recall – Readers love a memorable first line. Like a perfect song lyric, it enables instant transport to some other place and time where borders are fuzzily defined and possibilities are endless.

 

The first line imparts information that often touches us on a subliminal level.

 

"Where's Papa going with that axe?" said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast.

 

You may recognize this as the first line from E.B. White's Charlotte's Web. Take a look at all the information you can glean from it.

 

    -    Someone's child, Fern, is speaking.

    -    Curiosity and a touch of fear are expressed in her question

    -    There are at least three people present at the beginning of the story

    -    The story begins in the third person

    -    It's morning.

 

When Fern asks her simple question our imaginations are swooped over the threshold at the Arable farmhouse and the marvelous adventure of a spider, a pig, and a girl begins.

 

Words in Good Order

 

There are all kinds of mysteries in the world and why some first lines are killers and others are not is one of them. So what has made the first line in Charlotte's Web memorable? The story that follows is, of course, one that has endured for years and is undeniably part of the reason. It may not seem so, but the actual arrangement of the words make a difference too. If we try some variations with the first six words we may find they lose some of their effectiveness.

 

"Why does Papa have the axe?"

"The sight of that axe worries me."

"It's a little early for Papa to be out with that axe."

 

These words give us the same basic information but don't work quite as well. It could be that we lose the sense of motion or impending activity when the word "going" is omitted. Leave Papa out in the next variation and a crucial element goes missing; the presence of a perpetrator. And we lose some of the sense of urgency with the last, simple declarative sentence. None of the lines are grammatically faulty; they simply don't work as well.

 

Killer Instinct

 

You have to write a good story. You must have a passion for your tale that will enable you to pen a killer first line. There's some nugget buried in your words that could be pulled to the beginning of the story and become your dynamic threshold. What is it? Take two of the stories you're working on now and examine the first lines. Would a single word from your main character's mouth make a difference? Would a question? Grab four or five of the many books sitting on that shelf behind you and analyze the first lines. Compare them to yours. Then go in for the kill.

 

There's not a single person on the planet that cares whether or not you ever write another word. That is, of course, unless you've got a killer first line and the story to go with it. So go out and prove me wrong.

 

Pop Quiz!

 

Do you know who penned these killer first lines?

 

  1. In a hole in the ground lived a hobbit.

  2. After Elner Shimfissle accidentally poked that wasps' nest up in her fig tree, the last thing she remembered was thinking "Uh-oh."

  3. If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book.

  4. Walking back to camp through the swamp, Sam wondered if he should tell his father what he had seen.

  5. It was in May, 1918, that a new friend and companion came into my life; a character, a personality and a ring-tailed wonder.

  6. "Too many," James shouted and slammed the door behind him.

 

Answers: J.R.R. Tolkein, THE HOBBIT, Fannie Flag, CAN'T WAIT TO GET TO HEAVEN , Lemony Snicket, THE BAD BEGINNING, E.B. White, THE TRUMPET OF THE SWAN, Sterling North, RASCAL, Susan Cooper, THE DARK IS RISING

 

 

 

 

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