Interview with Lyle
Zapato
Interview by Jenna Glatzer
It all started
like this: We had a thread on the message board called "The Screaming
Thread" where people could come and vent about life's frustrations. A
poster named lastr (Carol) posted a link to a site about aluminum foil deflector
beanies: http://zapatopi.net/afdb.html.
Several other board regulars chimed in to say that they had beanies and that
they really do work, "changed my life," and "are quite effective
in keeping the satellite from reading your mind" as long as you remember to
"keep the shiny side out!"
A few weeks later, I realized that I had made everyone who owned an
aluminum foil deflector beanie a moderator on the boards. Could it be
their superior ability at deflecting mind control that made them such excellent
leaders?
Investigation was in order. I went straight to the source of the
information, Lyle Zapato, who had written a book by this point: ALUMINUM FOIL DEFLECTOR BEANIE:
Practical Mind Control Protection for Paranoids.
You know you're insane, right?
Everyone is insane. Some are just better at compartmentalizing it than others.
Did the idea for the book come before or after the
website?
After.
Obviously it was necessary to produce a book on the
subject. One clearly cannot enlighten people about all the subtle
technical nuances of proper aluminum foil deflector beanie construction on a
simple web page alone. But how did you convince Paladin Press that there
would be enough paranoids with disposable income to warrant this book's mass
production?
Actually,
doing a book wasn't my idea. I was approached to turn the AFDB site into a book
by Jon Ford of Paladin Press, who thought it would go well with Paladin's
offering of cannibal cook books and knife fight instructional videos.
Seems to me you could make a fortune creating and
selling these aluminum foil beanies from your site-- after all, you are the
master at beanie construction. Yet you emphatically warn people that they
MUST make their own beanies, for their safety's sake. How have you avoided
the temptation to sell them out and make a quick buck?
Enlightened self-interest. By promoting secure methods of mind-control
protection, I decrease my chances of being assassinated by some Manchurianized
person wearing a compromised beanie unwittingly bought from an NWO agent on eBay.
[Editor's note: NWO = New World Order, also known as Novus Ordo Seclorum.]
Are there people out there currently trying to find
ways around the deflector beanie? That is, is anyone trying to foil the
foil?
Yes, but fortunately the AFDB relies on the brute-force deflective protection of
aluminum, which is the basis of psychotronic technology. Anti-AFDB technologies
can usually be defeated by simply adding more foil layers and/or tape.
If I wear my AFDB to a magic show, will I be able to
tell how magicians like Doug Henning can saw a woman in half?
While many hack magicians rely on off-stage psychotrons to convince the audience
that they have just witnessed a magic trick (in which case, those wearing
beanies will see that the supposedly sawed woman actually goes out for a smoke
while waiting for the psychotronically transmitted memory engrams to finish
playing), a true master of the prestidigital arts and general legerdemainery
such as Doug Henning, who has sadly passed away, will instead use honest
showmanship combined with psyoptical props, such as hypnotic rainbow leotards,
which the AFDB does not protect against (unless, of course, you extend the front
portion to cover the eyes).
Without the mind control advertisers have over me, how
will I ever spend my disposable income? Do you find you are now saddled
with more money
than you could possibly dispose of?
It's true that being paranoid can be very profitable since one is not compelled
to buy unnecessary things. However, expenses must also be factored in: rolls of
aluminum foil, secured compounds, black-helicopterswatters, equipment to repel
attacks from my archnemesis Dr. Ernesto, and the like. All in all, I only come
out slightly ahead.
How do you get around things such as: metal detectors,
teachers who insist you remove your beanie during the Pledge of Allegiance,
haircuts, and swimming?
It's best to avoid those situations where beanie discovery or displacement may
be a problem. Haircuts can be had at paranoid barbershops with properly
aluminated walls. Swimming with an AFDB is not a problem since aluminum
naturally forms a protective layer of oxidization on its surface that keeps the
core safe from degradation.
What is your greatest hope for your book?
That it will lead to the total liberation of humanity from the scourge of mind
control.
Is it the NWO's fault that this book is stocked in
the humor section of the bookstore?
Because of the controversial nature of the contents of my book--
controversial, that is, to those who wish to keep the psychotronic status quo--
my publisher and I have decided to hide it in the "Humor" section so
as to not draw too much attention to it from NWO Firemen prowling for
contrathink in the "Nefarious Psychotronic Beams" or "Mental
Liberation" sections (where it would normally have gone). Furthermore, we
have made it the same shape as a Garfield book to increase the illusion of banal
innocuousness.
(As an unintended benefit, the fact that it's alphabetically placed down on the
floor, shoved into the corner of the shelf should further help to keep any
agents of mind control from noticing it. Paranoids, on the other hand, will have
no problem discovering it, as they will often find themselves crouching behind
shelves in bookstores, trying to avoid being seen by the shadowy figures who
followed them in off the street.)
What was the editing process like?
Pretty straight forward. After I submitted the manuscript, they sent me the
edited text for approval and I made a few changes to their changes.
How do you feel when someone doesn't "get
it?"
Sad. Or maybe amused. A little bit confused.
What's one thing that surprised you about the
publishing process?
Nothing about it really surprised me, other than the initial surprise of a
publisher contacting me to do the book. I guess I didn't enter into the process
with any expectations.
Your best advice for new writers?
Write what interests you, not what the voices being beamed into your head tell
you to write.
Save your brain and visit Mr. Zapato's website at http://zapatopi.net/afdb.html.
His book's available here
at Amazon.
Jenna Glatzer is building a beanie for her cat before it's too late.
She-- Jenna, that is, not her cat-- is the author of Make a Real Living as a
Freelance Writer, and is teaching a writers' workshop at the Omega Institute
in NY this October. Read all about it at www.jennaglatzer.com.
