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No Smiling when Your Mouth Is Full of Words!
By Roberta Beach Jacobson

Do you smile your words? I know I don't. Yet characters seem to do this sometimes. I'm certain I can't talk and smile at the same time, so I know to avoid problems in my fiction writing such as: "Happy birthday, Dad," Peter smiled.

Let's role-play. You be Peter and speak that line while maintaining a toothy grin. It doesn't work, does it? This is another reason to read our work aloud over and over as we go along.

Leaf through some magazines and books and I suspect you'll find a few examples of this no-no. I read a scene the other day where characters were at the beach on a sunny day and were blinking and squinting their words back and forth from towel to towel. Is this anything like sending smoke signals?

Once we home in to recognize it, this is one minor writing problem we'll notice everywhere. It can be nipped in the bud in our own writing. We need to give our characters a break and zap 99% of these odd "speaking habits" - such as the classic, "See you later," Peter waved. I won't even ask you to demonstrate how you envision characters waving their words to one another.

The craft of fiction writing is a tedious job. We've worked long and hard to create and shape our characters, so we shouldn‘t force them to run chapter to chapter shrugging their words at others, only to have the others snorting their answers back. Our words give them the power to speak, so let's allow them do just that. Except in signing (or maybe if you write fantasy or science fiction), characters always speak with their mouths. It only confuses readers if you have Peter smiling or waving his words around.

If you have any printed-out pages of your own manuscripts around, take a critical look. Are your characters speaking in any particularly odd ways? Underline any examples. What did you find out about your writing? Are you as guilty as many of the rest of us? It is not only beginners who make these types of errors. It‘s an easy rut to fall into because, like most habits, we tend not notice them after a while. Do you have friends who tug at their hair or adjust their glasses? They don't even realize how often they are repeating it. Likewise, in the routine of daily word-weaving, we tend to overlook our bad writing habits.

Report who said what

I prefer to stick to the traditional, "See you later," Peter said. This is correct because people speak their words or sentences. Let's pretend to don the hats of newspaper reporters and quote what the sources (characters) said and nothing more. At this point, we don't need to add any qualifying data about how or why they said it. Our challenge is to transmit the accuracy of their words into paper.

When your dialogue has a character asking a question, there is nothing wrong with, "Do you have a pencil?" Linda asked. No problem. This only makes sense. An occasional whisper is fine, too, as long as you don't get carried away. (If your main character is a pig, I suppose a squeal or two won't hurt either.)

Once your "saids" are in order, keep reading your manuscript aloud to avoid other troubles. Don't forget to use speakers' names sometimes - but not so often as to bore. There is no sane reason to confuse readers by having silliness such as, "See you later," the brunette said. What brunette? Who is this character? Is she Peter's mother or the next-door neighbor?

Who said that? If it isn't crystal clear to readers, they will either have to flip through back pages or chapters to discover the identities or take notes for later reading comprehension to make it through to your final chapter. Probably readers will lose interest and put the book aside.

Sharpen dialogue so it stands on its own and there is no need for typing a "he said" or "she said" to every statement. Too many of them tend to distract readers from what is going on. I love it when dialogue is rich enough to carry itself. Depending on my mood, sometimes I find it a slap in the face to be given a "Peter said" or "he said" graph after graph. Did the manuscript's (or book's) author assume I'm too stupid to follow what's
happening on the pages?

Follow the dots

The dots are supposed to connect so the reader follows everything going on in the dialogue. If need be, add some body language to get it across if you feel you need emphasis about the dialogue in certain places. Remember: Don't have this body language spoken!

Examine your favorite books, regardless of genre. No matter if your beloved authors write thrillers or humor, major authors don't get to the top by cluttering up their pages with anything not necessary. Nor do they leave out what they want you to know. Even in creative works, try to be clear and concise. Is it time to take out the garbage? Clean up that dialogue!

"This is the end," she smiled. Oops!

Originally appeared on the website of the Institute of Children's Writers, 2001.  Reprinted with permission.

Roberta Beach Jacobson (kafeniocom@rho.forthnet.gr) left Chicagoland on a European vacation in 1974 and never looked back. She makes her home on a remote Greek island. Her publishing credits include Writer's Digest, Writers' Journal, Freelance Writer's Report, Author Showcase and CyberJournalist. She has contributed to or translated 22 books. Her Website: http://www.freeyellow.com/members/meierandjacobson

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