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Taming
the Beast — The Fears and Joys of Being a Member (and a Writer) Excerpt from the book Writing Alone, Writing Together By Judy Reeves Even
as much as we want to be part of a writing group, many of us suffer anxiety
about joining one. We’re afraid of making the commitment, afraid that maybe
we’re not good enough. We don’t want to look foolish or be found out (that
we can’t write, that we’re fakes, that our writing is mediocre or worse). It’s
natural to feel some apprehension about joining any new group. Add to that the
basketful of misgivings we have about our writing anyhow, and we can end up with
as many doubts as plot twists in a good whodunit. How will we ever find our way
home? The
first thing to understand is that we’re not alone in our concerns. Most
writers I know are insecure at best, anxiety ridden and angst filled at worst.
And why not, this is a risky business, exposing ourselves in the permanence of
black and white. It’s good to know that experts say most of what frightens us
isn’t real. In one twelve-step program, old-timers tell newcomers that fear is
an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real. “There’s
a voice inside our heads that’s always heralding doom and disaster even before
we get started on something,” writes Dr. Susan Jeffers in Feel the Fear and Do
It Anyway. While
it may be a waste of time to root around for the deep causes of our anxieties,
it can help to identify such apprehensions. Calling something by its rightful
name can take some of the power away. Also, when we break them down into their
smaller parts, our fears don’t appear as daunting as the whole black cloud of
anxiety that rises on the horizon of our subconscious. So,
what are the fears of joining a group? Following is a brief list that other
writers have claimed. Fear
of rejection Fear
of not being good enough Fear
of not knowing how (to critique, to write in a group, etc.) Fear
of intimacy Fear
of commitment Fear
of being disillusioned Fear
of finding out I can’t write Fear
of finding out how good I am (not very many actually voice this fear, real as it
might be) Fear
of failure Fear
of success Fear
of completing something Fear
of not completing something Fear
of being judged Fear
of being found out Fear
of reliving an uncomfortable or difficult experience Fear
of looking foolish Fear
that I’ll lose my voice (and I’ll write like everybody else in the group) Fear
that I’ll find out I don’t have anything original to say I
tell my students that the anxiety that surrounds writing will never go away
completely, we just get used to it. The same might be true about joining a
group. You may have first-time jitters again and again. Maybe you’ll have a
pang of dread each time you have to read aloud or give feedback or critique to
someone else. I know some longtime writers who have never overcome the anxiety
of reading their work aloud. Others simply won’t take the risk of writing
spontaneously with a group. On
its own, fear won’t disappear. And, the more you listen to it, the louder its
braying becomes. If you’re experiencing a little (or a lot) of misgivings
about being part of a writing group, here are some strategies that might quiet
the noise: •
Be gentle with yourself. Laugh at yourself, name your bogeymen and give
yourself rewards when you are able to stick your tongue out at them. Take baby
steps, just like writing — a word at a time. Go to a one-time-only group
first. Try a drop-in group, where you don’t have to make a commitment. Or join
a group that lasts for only four weeks, or six sessions. Don’t try to do it
alone. Go with a friend. Ask if you can sit in on a group you’d like to join
to see how it works. •
Go to an open reading and just listen. Read your work aloud to one other
person. Start with a writing partner. Read your work into a tape recorder and
play it back. Celebrate the sound of your own voice. •
Talk to yourself. Self-talk laden with positive messages can change fear
energy into positive energy. Eliminate the can’ts, shouldn’ts, and ought-tos
from your self-talk vocabulary. Say affirmations. Write them in your notebook. •
Use your imagination. Visualize yourself doing what you’re afraid to
do; see yourself as a graceful, strong, and capable member of a writing group. •
Get information. This is one of the best ways to conquer fear. Talk to
other writers who are in groups. Ask how it benefits them, what they like, what
the trade-offs are. Why they stay. •
Write down all the reasons you want to be in a group. Freewrite what
you’ll be like as a successful member of a group. •
And most of all, remember to relax and breathe. On
the flip side of fear is joy, and this is what writers I know say about the joys
of being with other writers: A
great feeling of being connected Finding
out about my writing and myself Fun
of listening to other writers’ stories The
experience of hearing how other writers do it A
sense of accomplishment at having produced something, finishing The
delight of finding out I’m good, that there is promise When
it’s been tamed and domesticated, fear serves its purpose. It keeps us from
strolling on freeways and scratching behind a lion’s ears. In its most
primitive form, it gives us the energy we need for flight or fight. And for us
writers, it brings another gift. Like all emotions we experience, feeling our
fear gives us more grist for our writer’s mill. Use it.
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Text on this site Copyright © 1998-2007
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From
the book Writing Alone, Writing Together. Copyright © 2002 by Judy
Reeves. Reprinted with permission of New World Library, Novato, CA. 
