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Action Action can make or break a script. Every script needs to
have explosive lines of descriptive action. Each group of action should be, on
the average, no more than two to three lines. For some that's not enough to
deliver everything that's in the imagination. Luckily, there is a way to get the
most out of every word used in action. Action has to have pizzazz, because real life is filled
with movement and thrills. It needs to mirror real life as much as possible. For
starters, all action must be in the present tense. Using words with "ing"
endings is a huge no-no. One way to clean up a slow script is to eliminate them.
Let's take a look: Original: Sarah was walking
into the room, when she saw a lighted pumpkin. Changed to: Sarah walks into
the room, where she sees a lit pumpkin. The tense is changed to present and the "ing"s
are eliminated. The next thing to determine is how your character walks into the room. In the above example does
Sarah walk in scared, out of breath, lethargically, blindly? Real people walk
into the room a certain way. Think back to those days when your mother walked
into the room with that look on her face that meant you did something wrong.
Describe action with this in mind and your characters will be real. Changed to: Cautiously Sarah
sneaks into the room, where she sees a lit pumpkin. In order to give the audience the depth of your
imagination when describing the room or area in your script, you need to choose
only what is important for the audience to see. In other words, it needs to be
relevant to the plot. For instance, it is not important to describe the dust on
a window sill unless a maid is cleaning it, or to show the age of the room, or
how much time has transpired. What you choose to describe should define the setting
perfectly. If I said the room has a futon, beer cans, and a lava lamp, you might
imagine a college dorm room, or a hippie's chillin' pad. If I said a stable had
one skinny horse, a rickety barn, and an unpainted fence, you could assume this
is a poverty stricken farm or stable. On the other hand, if I described the area
with hundreds of grazing horses, several sturdy barns, and a never-ending white
fence, you would have an idea of the amount of wealth that belongs to a well
established horse ranch. To effectively convey a great scene you need to balance
the action of your character with the description of the area you are trying to
present. Some screenwriters separate the two by telling first what a room or
area looks like, and then secondly, they separately bring the character into the
scene. By intertwining the two you will see how your action will come alive. You
will have trimmed down what is written, which will in turn speed up the overall
reading of the script. In order to do this pick three to four key objects that
are relevant to your story's plot for the area you want to describe. In the
working example I will use, an oil lamp, couch, a coffin, and the pumpkin. The
idea of this exercise is to get your character to interact with the objects.
Let's take a look. Poor example: In a room there is
an oil lamp, a coffin, a couch, and
a lit pumpkin. Cautiously, Sarah sneaks into the room, where she sees the lit
pumpkin. Good Example: Cautiously Sarah
sneaks toward the oil lamp, and lights it. She weaves around the couch and past
a coffin. Next to it rests a lit pumpkin. Notice the absence of wordy phrases like "the whole
room looked like ..." or "The character looks around the room and sees
..." or even, "she gets on the other side of the room where she sees
..." These phrases lack action and that is exactly what you need to be
writing. Heavy phrases aren't necessary if you incorporate action with the
character. There is still more to do. We need to give this action
line color. Be as descriptive as possible and say what you really see. But
refrain from being long-winded. Example: Cautiously Sarah
sneaks toward the dirty oil lamp, and lights it. She weaves around the velvet Just a few words give it a little more realism and
description. I usually start with three to four objects, but on
occasion there may be more items that are relevant. I could add a knife, an old
clock, and even a corpse. But that doesn't need to come in the opening sequence.
It can be in the next, and will be separated by dialogue. Good example: Cautiously Sarah
sneaks toward the dirty oil lamp, and lights it. She weaves around the velvet SARAH Sarah backs up
slowly into an old clock. Startled, she stumbles to the floor. Beside her a
bloody butcher's knife. Sarah follows the trail of blood to a lifeless corpse. SARAH Now it's your turn. Let's use the example of the dorm
room. The three objects I chose were a futon, beer cans, and a lava lamp. On
your own experiment with the "poor example" below by incorporating the
character with what is in the room. Then compare it to the "good
example." Poor Example: Tom walks into a
room. There are beer cans, a futon in the middle of the room, and a lava lamp.
He goes over to the lava lamp and kneels. Good Example: Hurriedly, Tom
steps over several beer cans, jumps over a beat-up futon, and kneels beside a
hot red lava lamp. Can you see how the line creates motion? It has color,
environment, and action. In conclusion, less is more. When setting up a scene,
keep it short, colored, exciting, and flowing. The number one reason readers or
producers reject a script is because it is flat and slow. There is no need to
describe every flower on the wallpaper, nor is there any reason why you can't
have your characters interact with their surroundings. Now practice, and good
luck. Barbara J. Hunter is an active screenwriter and freelance writer. She is currently optioned with Breakout Pictures for her script, Fall River. She is a regular contributor to the Nutrition Department on IslamOnline, and has had articles appear in popular magazines like RockRGirl and Paste Magazine. For information on available screenplays please contact WalkingOnWind@cs.com. |
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