Breaking Down The Hollywood Wall… With Power Tools
By Jenna Glatzer

My New Year’s resolution this year is to become a better slacker.

I work too hard. I always have. Screenwriting is no exception. Over the past several years, I’ve written about 10 scripts. I’ve gotten feedback and rewritten obsessively. I’ve taken classes. I’ve marketed. I’ve set up websites to promote my work, then expanded to help teach others. I’ve ridden the agent roller coasters. I’ve gotten options and actor attachments. And where has it gotten me?

My hygiene has worsened, my fingernails are bitten ‘till the skin bleeds, I chain smoke even worse than before, and my beta fish (Sammy) just keeled over because I hadn’t cleaned his bowl in six months.

My scripts keep me awake at nights, hollering at me to be written. And despite the fact that I eke out a living—which is phenomenal for anyone whose soul source of income is spec and freelance writing—I always feel I should be further along in my career.

Let’s put the cards on the table: I’m 24. I feel more like 80, but nonetheless, I am 24. I fully realize that I am in the middle of what everyone will tell me are the best years of my life. So why am I spending them chained to my keyboard?

"Because I am DRIVEN," shouts my militant alter-ego. "I must stand on that Oscar podium before I turn 27!" (That figure used to be 25, but it’s so dangerously close now that even I can’t pressure myself that much. Besides, 27 is my lucky number.)

Someone once asked me if I ever took the time to rest on my laurels. I didn’t know what laurels were, so I checked, and the thesaurus said they were like evergreen trees.

No, I never rested on any evergreen trees.

"Maybe I should," I thought. Maybe I should go sit in some trees. Green ones. Green is a peaceful color. It is also the color of money, which is something I have far too little of, which I might have more of if only I could get a feature screenplay produced, which I might do if I only write, get feedback, rewrite, get a new agent, and market more!

(See?! You see how my twisted brain works?)

No! This time I will not fall prey to my sick little head. I will remember that slacking off is a good thing sometimes, and so will you. You want help? Here it is, in a handy-dandy top 11 list (top 10 is sooo trendy):

1. You need to get out and live if you’re going to have something to write about.
2. Brains work better when they are well-rested and refreshed.
3. What good is it to be a success if there’s nothing you want to do with that success?
4. You’ll go blind if you stare at that computer screen too long. Or get eye cancer. Or something else really bad. My grandma said so.
5. Stress causes heart disease, twisted up guts, brain pain, high blood pressure, poor hygiene, and dead fish named Sammy.
6. Sitting on your butt too long causes big butts.
7. There are people out there who actually like you and occasionally like to see more of you than the back of your head.
8. You must practice your social skills for the day Stevey Spielberg invites you to his big Halloween bash.
9. Your mother told me you never call and you never write, and you certainly never visit.
10. Stepping back from your work helps you achieve objectivity.
11. There are parks you’ve never seen, kites you’ve never flown, ice skates you’ve never worn, piano bars you’ve never drunkenly crooned in, kids’ toes you’ve never tickled, paintings you’ve never painted, fish you haven’t caught, and marshmallows you haven’t toasted.

Over the past few years, my budding career has taken top priority in my life, to the point that I’ve isolated myself. Have you?

If so, resolve with me, my friend. Resolve to give yourself a break. Redefine success. At the end of your life, will you feel more successful for selling a script, or for raising a family, enjoying romance, laughing, cheering on your favorite teams, and surrounding yourself with love and happiness?

Still not convinced? How about this—I promise you that your writing will improve. Take the gun away from your head, and the words will find their way to your keyboard with surprising ease. And they’ll be better words. More inspired words. More experienced words.

So, how long should you slack? Well, the increments are up to you. Experts say that you should break for 10 minutes out of every hour. Personally, when I’m on a roll, even Casper VanDien couldn’t pull me away from my computer (and he’s cute, too). Instead, I prefer to work in big chunks—days at a time of nothing but words… then days at a time of nothing but kissing my boyfriend (and he’s cute, too).

No matter how you do it, remember to back away from the Hollywood madness for a while and create some madness of your own. The most important stories in the world are the ones you live.

This column appeared in Screenwriters Utopia. 

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