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What Can't Be Seen By David Terruso One of the mistakes virtually all novice screenwriters make is violating this rule: Write only what can be seen. We're all familiar with the types of examples of what not to do: INT. A RODEO - DUSK Marlon sits on top of Bologna the Bull, his hand gripping the latigo. His face is covered in sweat. Bologna seethes and stomps, ready to burst through the gate. Marlon looks off in the distance. He's searching for his long-lost father. Marlon's never even met his father, and doesn’t know what he looks like, but he searches for him at every rodeo anyway. It's easy to see that the second paragraph is a blatant example of that which can't be seen. We can get away with saying he scans the crowd looking for someone, but the rest is back-story that belongs in a novel (a novel that I hope would be titled Bologna the Bull). These types of examples, provided in numerous books and articles on screenwriting, are always black and white. But the rules of what can be seen are gray. In fact, sometimes (not often, but sometimes) it's necessary to bend this rule until it almost breaks. Example: INT. THE COWBURGER JOINT - EVENING Marlon stands by the pool table holding his cue and waiting for Red to take his shot. There's a big ketchup stain that looks like Gorbachev's birthmark on the front of Marlon's cowboy hat.
CHARLENE saunters over to Marlon, oozing sensuality.
CHARLENE Nice stick, Marlon.
MARLON Thanks. It's just a house stick.
Charlene looks up at Marlon's hat.
CHARLENE Did you know that you have a giant ketchup stain on your hat?
You can tell by the look on Marlon's face that this is at least the tenth time someone has asked him this.
MARLON Buzz off, slut. That last piece of description about the look on Marlon's face isn't technically something that can be seen, but it's something that a director can visualize and that an actor can use to inform his performance. The rule shouldn't always be Write only what can be seen. It should sometimes be Write only what can be conveyed. Instead of saying, "You can tell by the look on Marlon's face that this is at least the tenth time someone has asked him this," you could say, "Marlon looks annoyed." Or "Marlon looks angry." Or "Marlon's face flushes." But those descriptions are unclear. Describing a little bit of what can't technically be seen allows you to be more specific without having to show scenes of all of the other people who commented on Marlon's ketchup stain. There's a different facial expression for "I'm embarrassed that you saw the stain on my hat," or "This woman is always negative and critical and I can't stand her," than for "If one more friggin’ person asks me if I know I have a giant stain on my hat, I'm gonna explode! I know I have a giant stain. It's giant!" This more precise expression from Marlon can be conveyed onscreen. Here's another example, one from a real script that I wrote called Make Yourself. In this scene, one girl's defiance has put an end to some other kids' hijinks at a college party: If this were a party in the 80s, the needle on the record would scratch to the edge and the party would stop. Since CDs don't do that, the music plays on, but there is a palpable feeling of buzz kill that travels quickly across the festivities. None of this description is visual; it’s all tone. But it gets to the heart of the scene and reveals something about how strong-willed the defiant girl truly is. It's not back-story, and it's valuable information for the reader, and eventually, for the director and the actors. There's no hard-and-fast rule for when the what-can-be-seen rule should be replaced with the what-can-be-conveyed rule. It's very subjective. It's like adding seasoning to your cooking; you have to develop a sense for when you've used too much. This tool is something to spice up your descriptions. The screenplay is a blueprint for a movie, but a screenplay has to enthrall quite a few readers along the way before it will reach the big screen. Vivid descriptions are the best way to create the movie in a reader's mind. A few tips about writing what can be conveyed:
Ball's description of Ricky is only partly visual, but it gives vital information about the character to the director and the actor.
The rule of writing only what can be seen is necessary to keep writers from writing detailed back-stories into their scripts. Professional screenwriters know when to bend this rule for the good of their script. And now you do too.
By day, Dave Terruso is a mild-mannered editor at a standards publisher. By night, he's a screenwriter/novelist/actor/director/singer-songwriter who loves separating things by slashes and hyphens. Dave is currently a member of the Philadelphia-based sketch comedy troupe Animosity Pierre (www.animositypierre.com). His last script, MAKE YOURSELF, was a finalist in the 2006 Set in Philadelphia Screenplay Contest.
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