The Wind Up and the Pitch

By Mary J. Schirmer

Let's pretend I'm a producer and you're a screenwriter who wants to pitch a screenplay to me. We're going to have a face-to-face meeting in my office. (Please pardon all the papers everywhere, and don't trip over that stack of scripts.)

My assistant tells you I'm on the phone and asks you to have a seat.

You sit.

He asks you if you'd like some soda or a bottle of water.

You ask for orange juice. After all, we're pretending to be in California.

He says that we don't have orange juice.

You say, "Thanks anyway," and that you don't care for a drink.

I buzz you in and shake hands. I call in my assistant to take notes. I ask him why he didn't give you some soda or water.

I invite you to have a seat, and you choose a chair directly opposite me.

I tell you, "I have only ten minutes, so give it your best shot."

You begin nervously, by telling me that you're a new screenwriter and you tell me why you wanted to pitch to me.

I smile patiently and ask you to begin the pitch.

Your voice cracks as you struggle to remember the first line of your memorized pitch. So you start in with a character description of all the major roles.

I let you go on for a minute and ask, "What's the logline?"

You begin the story.

I excuse myself to take a phone call and then ask you to continue.

You have to re-run the memorized pitch in your head, so you know where you left off.

After five more minutes of listening, I ask, "What page are you on now?"

You don't know, but it's somewhere in Act Two.

I look at my watch and ask if you have a leave-behind.

You say no.

I ask if you have anything else to pitch.

You don't, but you promise to contact me as soon as you do.

I rise, shake your hand again, and while I'm taking another phone call, I ask the assistant to validate your parking stub and see if you want some soda or water.

You step outside into the fresh smog and sigh. The palm trees are doing a wave for you. You survived the pitch!

Or did you?

Let me give you a few pointers:

1. When someone in a production office offers you soda or water, take it. You don't have to drink it. He's being polite. Don't ask for anything else. If he had anything else, he would have offered it. The assistant may be a "big-time agent or producer" some day, so be nice to him.

2. Sit facing everybody, if there's more than one person in the room. Move the chair on an angle, if you have to. Again, it's only polite. You may feel that you should concentrate on the executive, but if he/she buys your pitch, then you may actually be dealing with the assistant.

3. I know you're meeting with me, and that would make you terribly nervous (ha, ha), but try to get a grip. I'm just a person. I put my blue jeans on the same way you do, grunting and tugging at the zipper. Remember that pitching is acting. If you're nervous, pretend that you aren't.

4. Begin by giving the title of your material and its genre. For example, "My screenplay is 'The Secret of Life,' and it's a feature script for a historical romance. The logline is: When a playboy city newsman in 1875 has to open a branch office in the wilderness of Colorado, he learns not only survival skills. He leans the secret of life."  Don't make me guess what the heck you're talking about. I hear pitches all day long. This approach tells me that it's a period piece.

5. Please don't memorize your pitch. If you think you'll go blank, take a few note cards. Just know that some producers feel that, hey, if you don't know your story without reading notes, maybe you aren't passionate about it. I think it's better to take a few notes with you if you're going to be scared.

6. The thinking about leave-behinds is changing. Five years ago, many producers didn't want writers to leave a one-sheet, which is a one-page synopsis of the whole story including the ending. Now many of them do.

7. Try to have at least one more project to pitch, even if you haven't begun writing yet. You don't want me to think that you're a one-script wonder.

Good luck. Pitching isn't easy for introverted writers, but you have to master this skill if you ever hope to make a sale.

(No, your agent is not going to pitch for you. You have to do it.)

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