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Letter From an Editor By Brian Koscienski and Chris Pisano
A while ago I was the controller for a small payroll processing company. I know what you're thinking-- "Sasquatch in a tie?" Yep, I use to wear a tie to work every day. And I looked damn good, too! We grew to the point where we needed to hire an accounting clerk to help out. So, instead of utilizing a headhunting agency (remember, me accountant, me cheap bastard) we decided to put ads in the paper and conduct the search ourselves, forcing me to conduct the interviews. That experience changed my life.
I was a bit nervous, pretending to be in a position of authority, representing the company, reminding myself to be careful how I phrased the questions that I asked. One wrong sentence and the company could potentially be sued for discrimination. Then came the interviewees-- wide-eyed, sweating, and more nervous than me. Their voices cracked. They wrung their hands together to keep them from shaking. They prayed that I asked a canned question so they could use their perfectly worded prepared answer. They did the same things I did whenever I interviewed for a job.
I wondered why they were nervous. After all, I was just another guy, an average joe off the street, an office monkey barely trained to chew with my mouth closed. That was when it dawned on me-- why was I so nervous whenever I was in their situation? The next job interview I had, I nailed it. And the one after that. And the one after that, too. All I did was remember that the people who interviewed me were just regular people, replete with anxieties and quirks. I no longer answered questions; I started conversations. I knew what they wanted to ask, but couldn't, so I gave them the information anyway. I learned the difference between knowing the answer and understanding the answer. Of course, if you ask my wife, she'll tell you that I still don't know how to put the toilet seat down, or understand why I need to.
So, why the contrived trip down memory lane? Because being an editor for a magazine is a very similar situation. Even though my business card says "megalomaniacal genius" (yes, I'm serious!) I do realize that our magazine is a small press magazine with a circulation of less than 100. I often have delusions of grandeur, but this ain't one of them. If you're a beginning writer sending out stories to all kinds of magazines all across the world and the only payment is a byline, then you're sending your works to magazines very similar to ours. Chris and I are the slush pile editors, assistant editors, copy editors, and editors-in-chief. And it's changing our lives much like my experience when I interviewed people as a controller.
We've all read the articles giving helpful hints on how to get published, how to get your stories noticed. I'll be the first to admit-- I rarely followed the advice, not understanding why it was given. Well, we all know by know I'm Sasquatch enough to admit when I'm wrong (and in case my wife's reading this-- I'm not wrong about the toilet seat!), so I'm admitting I'm wrong by not taking all those articles more to heart. And I'm here to tell you why.
First and foremost, no matter what you send or to where, include a cover letter! Always. I know, it sounds so redundant to say this, but I was shocked to see how many stories made it to us with only the author's name. A few submissions were scant more than "Here's my name, here's my story." As an editor, I'd like a cover letter. Now, it shouldn't be your life story, but a nice greeting to let the editor, who you are, what you're sending, where else you've been published, and a short bio would be sufficient. If you have space, a brief synopsis of the story and why you think it would be a good fit for the magazine.
Another tip I'm giving is read the submission guidelines and follow them. Seriously. We flat out state in ours, "No profanity." Sure enough, we received stories that would make a four-letter-word-only shouting match between Samuel L. Jackson and Eminem seem like "Reading Rainbow." Another rule often broken is that we ask for stories less than 5,000 words. Yep, you guessed it: in come stories longer than that. We even received a 7,000-word beastie. The guidelines are in place to really help us out as writers. It's perfectly fine to think to yourself, "My story is so good that once the editor reads it, he'll publish it even though it doesn't fit within the guidelines." That's just pride in your work, and there's nothing wrong with that. However, it's difficult to get your story read if the editor rejects it upon noticing that it doesn't fit within the guidelines.
One tip that I never followed until I started reading other people's submissions is the tip to cut out as many adverbs as possible. Let me tell ya-- that's good advice! Half of the time, they're just repeating something already stated. For example: "tiptoed quietly." Quietly is not needed, because the word "tiptoed" already implies "quietly." A second reason to cut them out is simple: adverbs tell, they don't show. For example: "They giggled childishly." That's a weak sentence. I'm sure we all view "childishly" in different ways. It's not specific and isn't imposing its will upon the reader. Now, change the sentence to: "They giggled like Brian and Chris finding a stack of nudie magazines." Much more specific!
Another tip I often ignored-- don't use too many passive verbs. Print out a copy of your story and circle each "was" you have. Also circle all the occurrences of "did" and "had." If you see a circle farm, then rewrite. Passive verbs weaken the story. Example: "Brian was happy with the latest Playboy." True, but weak. Spruce it up a bit to something like: "Brian licked the pages of the latest Playboy until he passed out from ink poisoning." See? It conveys the message with more power. My personal pet peeve is the "was blanking" sentence. Something like "Chris was drinking beer until he was falling off the barstool" makes me cringe. Change it to "Chris drank beer until he fell off the barstool" and you not only have more action, but you make it succinct.
All in all, the next time you revise your story, don't read it like a reader, read it like an editor.
Brian and Chris reside in south central Pennsylvania where Brian is often chased by angry villagers wielding torches and pitchforks due to his uncanny resemblance to Sasquatch while Chris can often be found in newspapers and magazines under the headline "Cro-Magnon Man Found." Their obsession with writing is pretty thorough; their compositions range from stories to novels to articles to comic books to poetry. They even went so far as to start their own publishing company called Fortress Publishing. Their main mission in life is to simply do what the screaming voices behind their eyeballs tell them to do.
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