Manuscript Title: "untitled"
Manuscript Genre: Historical Spy Thriller
Manuscript Word Count: 71,000 out of 90,000
Is your manuscript finished?: No
Hook:
Spring 1945 - Hitler is on the brink of defeat when his general in charge of secret projects, Hans Kammler, produces a weapon that will allow the Nazis to turn the tide of the war and possibly change the face of history. The Allies know there is only one operative in the world that has the skills needed to go into Hitler’s backyard and either steal this weapon or destroy it. “Wild” Bill Donovan, head of the Office of Strategic Services, must turn to Jake Doyle. Donovan and Winston Churchill are worried it might be too soon for their best agent, having just lost his wife and best friend, but there is no other choice. Doyle has to fight not only Hitler’s elite military units and a deranged killer from his past, but also forces inside the US government that want to see him fail and they all want Jake dead.
First 750 words:
He had always considered himself unlucky in love. Two days ago Josh met the most amazing lover he had ever known. But now, as his luck would have it, he realized he was about to die a horrible death.
Forty-eight hours earlier, with both apprehension and excitement, United States Navy Lieutenant Joshua Thompson had settled his tall, slender frame into his seat aboard the C-54 Skymaster. The four engine transport aircraft would be making another routine flight out of Bolling Army Airfield, but for Josh it was the beginning of a new chapter in his life. For two years he had enjoyed a wartime assignment at the Pentagon, allowing him to live at his parents house in Bowie, Maryland while fighting Hitler. But now that the war seemed to be coming to an end, England would be his last chance to get anywhere close to the action and it was thrilling.
Josh buckled his seatbelt, careful not to crease his freshly pressed dress blue uniform pants. When he looked up the most beautiful, tall blonde boarded the plane. Josh could hardly believe his luck when they ended up sitting next to each other. Chatting nonstop during the trip from Washington D.C. to London, he discovered they had much in common. They were both from Maryland, 24 years old and both making their first trip over the Pond. It was 16 hours with a fuel stop in Gander, Newfoundland, yet the time seemed to fly by.
Josh felt the spark between them and was thrilled his offer for dinner in London was accepted. After an expensive meal and two bottles of wine they stumbled their way back to Josh’s hotel for the most amazing night of love making. The sex was a little on the rough side, but Josh enjoyed every minute of it. He did not normally move this fast in a relationship, but somehow this just felt so right.
After breakfast they agreed to visit the English countryside. At his new friend’s suggestion Josh rented out a secluded farm cottage on a large estate outside the city where nobody would bother them. He had flown out early to tour London before starting his assignment as a crypto-analyst at the highly classified code breaking station at Bletchley Park. Josh did not have to report in for three more days, but now he was going to spend the weekend in bed. He could always take the 50 mile train ride into London to do his sight seeing later in the spring. He had time.
They stepped inside their small cottage a few miles outside of Bletchley and Josh could not believe what was going through his mind. Could I be falling in love so soon? He set the cottage key down on the small, dusty kitchen table. His face was beaming when he turned to his new lover, only to find himself staring down the barrel of a Colt M1911 pistol. The smile and the blood immediately drained from his face.
“What the hell is that, Dan?” Josh’s voice cracked.
“My name isn’t Dan.” The man motioned his weapon towards one of the wooden chairs at the small kitchen table. “Sit,” he commanded.
Josh froze. He could not believe what was happening. It did not make any sense. Dan, or whatever his name was, just pointed again to the chair, “Sit.”
Josh inched toward the chair with his hands up in front of him. His bottom lip started to quiver. When he was seated his beautiful lover worked with great speed and competency in tying Josh’s arms and legs to the chair with some rope that seemed to appear from nowhere.
“What do you want?” he managed between sobs.
He received no reply other than watching in horror as “Dan” pulled out a large knife from an ankle sheath and proceeded to cut off Josh’s right pinkie finger. He let out a hellish shriek that filled the small cottage. Josh turned his head so that he would not have to see the blood pumping out of his hand.
“Stop! Please stop!” No answer.
Tears obscured his vision as his mind raced trying to process what was happening. Maybe someone heard me scream. Maybe some will come help. But then he remembered Dan’s earlier suggestion to get a secluded cottage so they would not be disturbed. It was at that horrible moment that Lt Josh Thompson came to the realization that he was about to die.
What do you look for in a beta?:
It will be a few months before I finish my manuscript and the entire thing is ready to get beta-read. Perhaps there are betas willing to read small chunks of my writing. To be honest, I'm sure I will need help with just about every aspect of my writing. So I'm more than willing to accept criticism/suggestions from the largest view down to the smallest syntax.
Manuscript Genre: Historical Spy Thriller
Manuscript Word Count: 71,000 out of 90,000
Is your manuscript finished?: No
Hook:
Spring 1945 - Hitler is on the brink of defeat when his general in charge of secret projects, Hans Kammler, produces a weapon that will allow the Nazis to turn the tide of the war and possibly change the face of history. The Allies know there is only one operative in the world that has the skills needed to go into Hitler’s backyard and either steal this weapon or destroy it. “Wild” Bill Donovan, head of the Office of Strategic Services, must turn to Jake Doyle. Donovan and Winston Churchill are worried it might be too soon for their best agent, having just lost his wife and best friend, but there is no other choice. Doyle has to fight not only Hitler’s elite military units and a deranged killer from his past, but also forces inside the US government that want to see him fail and they all want Jake dead.
First 750 words:
He had always considered himself unlucky in love. Two days ago Josh met the most amazing lover he had ever known. But now, as his luck would have it, he realized he was about to die a horrible death.
Forty-eight hours earlier, with both apprehension and excitement, United States Navy Lieutenant Joshua Thompson had settled his tall, slender frame into his seat aboard the C-54 Skymaster. The four engine transport aircraft would be making another routine flight out of Bolling Army Airfield, but for Josh it was the beginning of a new chapter in his life. For two years he had enjoyed a wartime assignment at the Pentagon, allowing him to live at his parents house in Bowie, Maryland while fighting Hitler. But now that the war seemed to be coming to an end, England would be his last chance to get anywhere close to the action and it was thrilling.
Josh buckled his seatbelt, careful not to crease his freshly pressed dress blue uniform pants. When he looked up the most beautiful, tall blonde boarded the plane. Josh could hardly believe his luck when they ended up sitting next to each other. Chatting nonstop during the trip from Washington D.C. to London, he discovered they had much in common. They were both from Maryland, 24 years old and both making their first trip over the Pond. It was 16 hours with a fuel stop in Gander, Newfoundland, yet the time seemed to fly by.
Josh felt the spark between them and was thrilled his offer for dinner in London was accepted. After an expensive meal and two bottles of wine they stumbled their way back to Josh’s hotel for the most amazing night of love making. The sex was a little on the rough side, but Josh enjoyed every minute of it. He did not normally move this fast in a relationship, but somehow this just felt so right.
After breakfast they agreed to visit the English countryside. At his new friend’s suggestion Josh rented out a secluded farm cottage on a large estate outside the city where nobody would bother them. He had flown out early to tour London before starting his assignment as a crypto-analyst at the highly classified code breaking station at Bletchley Park. Josh did not have to report in for three more days, but now he was going to spend the weekend in bed. He could always take the 50 mile train ride into London to do his sight seeing later in the spring. He had time.
They stepped inside their small cottage a few miles outside of Bletchley and Josh could not believe what was going through his mind. Could I be falling in love so soon? He set the cottage key down on the small, dusty kitchen table. His face was beaming when he turned to his new lover, only to find himself staring down the barrel of a Colt M1911 pistol. The smile and the blood immediately drained from his face.
“What the hell is that, Dan?” Josh’s voice cracked.
“My name isn’t Dan.” The man motioned his weapon towards one of the wooden chairs at the small kitchen table. “Sit,” he commanded.
Josh froze. He could not believe what was happening. It did not make any sense. Dan, or whatever his name was, just pointed again to the chair, “Sit.”
Josh inched toward the chair with his hands up in front of him. His bottom lip started to quiver. When he was seated his beautiful lover worked with great speed and competency in tying Josh’s arms and legs to the chair with some rope that seemed to appear from nowhere.
“What do you want?” he managed between sobs.
He received no reply other than watching in horror as “Dan” pulled out a large knife from an ankle sheath and proceeded to cut off Josh’s right pinkie finger. He let out a hellish shriek that filled the small cottage. Josh turned his head so that he would not have to see the blood pumping out of his hand.
“Stop! Please stop!” No answer.
Tears obscured his vision as his mind raced trying to process what was happening. Maybe someone heard me scream. Maybe some will come help. But then he remembered Dan’s earlier suggestion to get a secluded cottage so they would not be disturbed. It was at that horrible moment that Lt Josh Thompson came to the realization that he was about to die.
What do you look for in a beta?:
It will be a few months before I finish my manuscript and the entire thing is ready to get beta-read. Perhaps there are betas willing to read small chunks of my writing. To be honest, I'm sure I will need help with just about every aspect of my writing. So I'm more than willing to accept criticism/suggestions from the largest view down to the smallest syntax.
The same principle applies throughout - show me show me. You don't have to walk us through every moment of them meeting, or the aircraft, or the dinner. You can slip that in, like, "As Josh entered the isolated cottage, he wondered if the sex was going to be as fantastic tonight as it had been in the hotel in London."