Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a TURKEY!

[Rolling Thunder]

Somebody needs to send a copy to David Letterman, especially if anyone has a connection to get it through to him.

He could have a fresh segment on his show; Stupid Publisher Tricks.

The first and second worst books ever published? What a ratings bonanza.

 

[CatSlave]

O RLY?

Wonder when we'll see the "we knew it all the time" disclaimer.

 

[Arkie]

Wonder when we'll see the "we knew it all the time" disclaimer.

Well, that's the problem isn't it? Unless PA actually publishes the book, they can always say we would have caught it during the editing phase.

 

[Christine N.]

How? I think I spelled everything correctly. Even the sentence where I said that this book really sucked and if they didn't know it by now, shame on them. I know that the passage where I asked who wrote this crap was grammatically correct.

Ok, so I spelled the chapter number wrong. Shoot me.

 

[spike]

Sting-of-the-Month Club?

Can I join? Please? Can I put that on my resume?

 

[James D. Macdonald]

...they can always say we would have caught it during the editing phase.

Too late for that, PA. Y'all already offered a contract.

 

[Alan Yee]

Sharon, you're tempting me to give my "novel" another chance. I started on one last spring, but what do you know? I ended up writing serious stuff instead.

I forgot about it until now. It might be of interest to my future fans, because two of the characters (albeit a much better version of them) ended up being the stars of my "real" novel. That would require me to finish this "novel," of course...

It was supposed to be for the benefit of AW, but things happened and it didn't get finished.

 

[DamaNegra]

But you'd have to submit from inside the USA. They apparently reject submissions from Mexico, perhaps laboring under the misapprehension that Mexico isn't part of the americas.

Tsk tsk, discrimination, I say! I'm going to take a tone with them!

 

[MadScientistMatt]

I'd be willing to send it in for you, Dama. Or even bulk it up with a bunch of junk files on my hard drive (lab reports I wrote in college and that sort of stuff) if your word count is too low.

 

[Alan Yee]

Tsk tsk, discrimination, I say! I'm going to take a tone with them!

Or... how about you send ME a chapter. It doesn't have to relate in any way to what I've written or the other contributors have written (though it can). Come on, what do you have to lose?

 

[Alan Yee]

Glory, glory! Congratulations to you all!

Special thanks to whomever it was that wrote the bit about "the new Tescos in south Clapham." Reading that line was like stepping on a stairstep that wasn't there.

Do the character names spell out a message this time?

Oh, Teresa. I have a special treat for you in mine, that you should recognize. You'll see when it's ready.

 

[Tsu Dho Nimh]

Ok, so I spelled the chapter number wrong. Shoot me.

I may have corrected it. I didn't want their spell checker to rat us out.

 

[batgirl]

You guys are the wind under my wings. Metaphorical batwings, of course.

Alan, I have the first half of a story I wrote in my late teens, heavily influenced by 1970s Shaw Bros. movies. Maybe you and I and Dama could alternate chapters until the wordcount was sufficient?
-Barbara

 

[Alan Yee]

Alan, I have the first half of a story I wrote in my late teens, heavily influenced by 1970s Shaw Bros. movies. Maybe you and I and Dama could alternate chapters until the wordcount was sufficient?
-Barbara

You see, I already planned mine out months ago, so it might not fit. Of course, none of it makes any sense because the continuity and consistency got thrown out the window.

 

[HapiSofi]

A press release would be a good idea -- an essential part of the sting, in fact -- but in meantime, Jim Macdonald posted this morning at Making Light about the Crack of Doom sting.

 

[AnneMarble]

Sigh. You force me to reveal the following excerpt form the last chapter:

That's a classic. Thank you.

From someone who has actually walked on the pear in Eastbourne.

 

[aruna]

How? I think I spelled everything correctly. Even the sentence where I said that this book really sucked and if they didn't know it by now, shame on them. I know that the passage where I asked who wrote this crap was grammatically correct.

Ok, so I spelled the chapter number wrong. Shoot me.

yes, that's why I went through it replacing some words - like pier with pear!

 

[aruna]

ANother favourite excerpt:

All of a sudden Garry felt really protective over this pet-eat young girl who looked like a Cindy doll except with a pear-cede lip. He had to protect her no matter what it cost.
‘Nancy’ he said. ‘You’ve got to get away from Roberto. You don’t know what you’ve got yourself into. Your in grave danger. Tell her Lav!’
‘True, t’ings rough out deh, you know, Rasta.’ said Laverne flashing his gold tooth.
‘It’s true Nancy.’ Whispered Garry with a furrowed brow.
‘Yes alright dad. Just ask me your fucking questions and let me go home damn it!’
Garry turned to Laverne. ‘Lav can you get the suitcase.’
Laverne left the small dark room his dread locks swinging vilently behind him.
They were alone.
Garry sighed and stared at Nancy tenderly. ‘I want to help you Nancy. I’m on your side.’
For a split second Nancy could see the truth in his icey pear-sing blue eyes. Garry was a good man she could tell, but how could Roberto be a lying drug barren? She’d seen the pain in his eyes when he’d talked about his sick mother. Roberto where are you?

By Skippoo

 

[aruna]

OK< I have an offer from someone to create Sharla's website. I just need some text.
I'd like the following:

The lowdown on Publishamerica. Why it is a vanity publisher, why it is a scam, why it should be avoided by serious writers.

The story of how we came to write COD.

Any volunteers to write those two pages?

That's about it; it'll also have the author list and of course the free PDF file

I also visualise a page of excerpts, and a guest book.
My server gives me free webspace, and I'll use that.

 

[aruna]

The authors, in order of their appearance:

• Sharon Maas
• Lady of Prose
• Lucia Bibiloni
• Sharon Maas
• Bufty
• Modesta
• The NavigatorX
• Greg Ballan
• Dee Skies
• Roger Morris
• Sheryl Nantus
• James D. Macdonald
• Catherine O'Mahony
• Dawno
• Chris Tricerotops Stevenson
• Robin Folks
• Mary Hinge
• Lucia Biblioni
• Paige Turner
• Paige Turner
• Paige Turner
• Aconite
• Jane Smith
• Christine Norris
• Bufty
• Raymond K Wong
• Sharon Maas

All but three of these are AWers. Good job, folks!

 

[triceretops]

Thanks for putting it together, Aruna. It was a long time in the making. PA just doesn't get it do they? Proof positive that nothing is ever read.

Tri

 

[aruna]

Next time there's a sting book against PA, let me in. I can write the crappiest prose you ever did see, shucks.

Nothing to it! Why not put out a call for submissions right here. You don't need a coherent (ahem!) story, as in Crack of Death. It can be an experimental novel, or an anthology of short stories. We could do it once a month; they will become collectors items! Imagine it: The Complete Collection of PA Sting Novels!

 

[Old Hack]

I'm sure that there are many of us here who might be willing to, um, edit an existing piece of writing by running it through Babelfish a few times so that they have a new story to submit for inclusion. Perhaps this would be better discussed via PM than out on the board, though. If anyone is considering doing something like that do let me in on it. COD was so much fun I'd be happy to do it all again.

 

[aruna]

And I woul dbe happy to contribute the odd chapter from COD - maybe run through a translation into German, and back again.

 

[Old Hack]

Via Vietnamese and a quick run through Icelandic, though, just to make sure it's in tip-top shape for PA.