I am using a different usename than the one I use on PA.
There is a slight misunderstanding as to what I spent promoting my book...to be exact I will post the E mail that was spoken of:
End of the Road, Final Newsletter:
I am a failure! Yes, the above statement is true and this week the full force of this realization hit me squarely in the face. You ask how I can come to this conclusion since I am a published author with a second book suppose to be released this summer, had a fairly successful professional career over the years? Let me re share with you the past two an a half years...I believe you will come to the same realization I have.
I began writing my first book in August of 2003. It was accepted by a publisher in September 2003 and released to the public in June 2004.I have in this during this, besides having my first book released, had published 22 articles in Adoption.com's weekly E magazine which is subscribed to by over 125,000 weekly, Fostering Families Today magazine published an article which reached a potential 40,000 people. I also wrote my second book which my publisher accepted in October 2004 and will release this summer. I have had various groups request permission to reprint some of these articles in their newsletter, which I agreed to. I belong to 15 Internet groups which I have been very active in. They have a combined membership of over12,000. I have begun threads or posted to threads well over 1500 times offering advise, my experiences, etc. I have received and responded to over 3000 E mails from people requesting advise as well as stating how strongly they are behind my efforts. Some even wrote how they have purchased my book only to be proven not to be true when the royalty statement was sent.
I have written every state Foster Parent Association, National Education Association as well as numerous other state and over 300 non government agencies dealing with child welfare and all but five made the choice to ignore me. Of the five...only one carried through and invited me to speak before their organization. I have participated in two worldwide radio/Internet interviews. One was repeated a second time even. I will also note that 5 non child welfare groups in my surrounding area have invited me to speak pro bono. .I accepted each of those opportunities. I have maintained a web site which takes lots of effort and which has attracted over 41,000 visitors to date. Many attempts were made to reach Oprah by myself and others. No contact was ever responded to including no simple acknowledgment of a free book sent. Larry Elder was contacted, Jane Pauley as well as others will no response.
The only program to give a response was the Montel Williams Show. After numerous communications with them a show was scheduled, then moved back two times, however due to what you read as you continue reading this...I will not be able to appear. Last June, after much encouragement by many, much thought and most importantly prayer...I made the decision I would attempt to fulfill a lifelong dream that I had placed on the back burner for years. The goal was: To promote full time the need for reform of our child welfare system through my book and public speaking. I felt having lived in the system for 18 years I had earned the expertise to speak on the subject. This decision meant giving up $4000 a month pay for the past 8.5 months ($34,000). Using my checking and savings account to maintain paying my financial obligations and to promote my efforts ($20,000)....I have worked passionately to achieve my goal. This totals $54,000 lost wages and expenditures. Despite all the above efforts and some not mentioned, not a single one of my goals have been achieved! I am a failure!
To date the results have been:1. I had hoped my book would sell in good numbers so I could donate nice royalties to charity. Not counting the books I personally purchased to have available when I did public speaking...104 books have been sold since May 2004. That is correct...104 books! If just part of those who wrote me or are members of the groups I belong to, or some of those exposed to the book through my many articles or even just a few visitors to my web site had purchased just ONE BOOK the total I believe would have been well over 10,000 books by now. This would allow me to make major donations to the charity helping children that I had designated as the recipient of all royalties. To date those royalties have been have been almost nill. Even only a small portion of my personal mailing list has purchased the book. Thus despite all the good people said about the book and my needing to share it this has proven to be a total failure for me! I did not author the book to become rich and famous...it was to help other! If this how things are going to go, I can only imagine the failure of the second book when it becomes available. As a side note, if I had sold over 10,000 books I would have become the top seller ever for my publisher and would have been able to have my book printed as a hard cover book, received national promotional help from my publisher and it would have also been available in brick and motor stores rather than just on line or through my publisher. This is failure #1!
2. I had hoped to develop a program of paid speaking opportunities to share my personal story along with the need for child welfare reform. To date I have made an agreement but for one small paid speaking opportunity which is scheduled for next month. It is with a group not connected to child welfare reform. I have spoken to groups associated with child welfare but they have been non paid and covered expenses only. I am thankful for those few opportunities. However, as stated earlier, the overwhelming number of groups I contacted ignored me completely. The few who responded kept me hanging for months at a time before making the decision to go elsewhere for a speaker. I had hoped through speaking opportunities that I would earn just enough to cover my financial obligations which would allow me to devote full time to trying to help kids caught up in our child welfare system so they would not have to go through what I did as a child. All I have accomplished to date is to run through my own finances to where I am now on the verge of bankruptcy, homelessness and as obvious failure. This is failure #2!
Finally, because of the above two failures I have become a failure to myself. At the end of this month my bank account will reach ZERO! I will be unable to meet any of my financial obligations...this includes even providing a roof over my own head. I do not know if my web site will be able to be maintained, if I will be able to receive and respond to E mails to me, to participate in the groups I have been so active in or to make any further efforts in reaching any of the goals I had hoped to achieve. Also the second book will be in jeopardy as I need Internet access to be able to do the final editing/cover art design work with the publisher prior to release. Thus I can only conclude the decision the foster care system made about me 44 years ago has become a reality. They determined me a failure and now I have become one. I have never given up on anything in my life. I have always found a way to continue no matter the odds. This is however one time I have to realize I can go no further...I must give up my dreams, aspirations and hopes to be able to help the children I so desperately and passionately have been working for and admit I have failed...I am a failure. The end of the road has been hit!
I have found and met some extended family these past two years as you are amongst those receiving this letter, however, I have never asked anyone for help in my life, I have always made it on my own...thus I cannot and will not go to them for assistance. One cousin lovingly gave me a place to live for six weeks when I moved to Michigan to be closer to family. She allowed me to save expenses for six weeks while I found my own place. If it had not been for this kindness I could not have lasted as long as I have. I will ask someone to hold the things I have that are near and dear to me, the rest I will just have to give up and do what over 60% of foster care kids do...only I am having to do it at age 55...that is take to the streets and become homeless at the end of the month. I will respond to E mails and participate in groups until this date comes. After then, I don't know when I will be able to come back. I have one slim outstanding opportunity for a new job. If this one opportunity fails I am done. Even if it comes through, I will not have the financial means to pay for at least next month's obligations thus would still have to take to the streets for at least a month or two to be able to get on my feet again. It has become obvious during this whole effort that many people at least indicate verbally how much they care about children, how appreciative they were that I was in the fight, etc.....however when it came to standing behind me whether through book purchases or paid speaking engagements, that was asking too much for most.
I thank those who purchased the 104 books so a little bit could be donated to charity. I thank the few who gave me an opportunity to speak publicly of my story and the need for reform, whether in one case you paid me and the others just offered an opportunity. I still very deep within my soul believe my goals were right, the message was right...I just have probably been the wrong messenger. I have gotten the message, I can only allow myself to be beaten times for so long and stop beating my head against a wall before realizing the battle has been lost. There comes a time for one to realize and accept the fact they have failed. Thus as the final outcome, I must declare I realize today I have failed, the battle is over for me, I have arrived at the end of the road! I have been praying for a miracle as I try to hold onto my faith, and will continue to do so until the bitter end...but it has become more difficult with each passing day as the darkness of night rapidly descends upon me.
I do not write this for the purpose of receiving sympathy or to whine and whimper. It is just a statement of fact that I and those who know me now have to accept. Peace be to all of you!
Larry~ In 2003, Lawrence P. Adams wrote the poignant book of life through the eyes of a throw away child entitled: "Lost Son? A Bastard Child's Journey of Hope, Search, Discovery and Healing." It was released in 2004. He authored in 2004 yet another inspirational and moving book, "A Voice from the Voiceless and Forgotten." He hopes it will bring about the beginning of change within the child welfare system. The book will be released during the summer of 2005. Mr. Adams has also had numerous articles published of the need for child welfare reform. Author's web site:
http://www.larrya.us
I just left two messages about the reputation box and thanking all of you who have left messages and not responding because I didn’t know they were there. Also about starting a yearly campout for all of us when I move up to the hill country. If anyone finds those messages the details are there.
Well, I shut down, ended up where my messages were and then shut down again and ended up back here.
