Scenes from a hat!

[iLion]

3. Have you actually tasted this crap you feed me??

 

[druid12000]

4. You son of a &*$#@! Why, why, why do you keep pulling me away from those scrumptious bitches???

 

[Diver]

5.- (hopping inside the bed sheets) Well, you did say you liked hairy legs!

BIC pens: designer explaining rationale behind the tiny hole in its barrel.

 

[druid12000]

1. It must be *tic* ventilated *tic* otherwise all *tic* hell could break *tic* loose!

 

[Kaiser-Kun]

2. *Also sprach Zarathustra starts playing* "This is the small hole of a pen... but for a very small man -if you know what I mean- it's a gigantic leap."

 

[archerjoe]

3. This only looks like an ordinary pen, 007. Q and the boys in the lab added a flame thrower, laser, knock-out gas...

 

[Lavern08]

4. It's not a hole, it's a teeny, tiny camera.

 

[druid12000]

5. The hole is there so the pen can fart.

Explanations to the cop for driving erratically

 

[Silent Rob]

1. I couldn't remember which side of the road you people drive on, so I was playing it safe and covering both lanes.

 

[Robbert]

2. I'm sorry, officer, it's all because of the dentist. My wisdom teeth were taken out about a week ago.

 

[archerjoe]

3. I way too drive to be drunking...

 

[Kaiser-Kun]

4. I'm an inspector for the Facilitation of Oriented, Certified Office Functions

 

[Diver]

3. I way too drive to be drunking...

just spilled my coffee!

 

[Diver]

5. Let's get this straight, Is this or this not Parkinson St.?


Superman and Spiderman discuss the pros and cons of wearing underpants over their tights.

 

[druid12000]

1. "It's nice to go au natural, very liberating, if you know what I mean?" Superman said, winking at Spiderman. "I'm very uncomfortable with this conversation and you're kind of freaking me out" Spiderman replied.

 

[archerjoe]

2. "Anyone who can go up against the Green Goblin and walk away without skidmarks is a better superhero than me."

 

[druid12000]

3. "Ok... so I'm already jealous. Who's briefs are those?"

 

[Kaiser-Kun]

4. "Well, a little known fact is that these boxers are made of lead. In case someone attacks me with kryptonite, there's something that always weakens faster..."

"At least you're still married..."

 

[druid12000]

5. "Confidentially, I was kinda hammered during one of my early quick changes and I messed up. It just sort of stuck after that."

Awkward conversations with your doctor.

 

[Robbert]

"Well, I'd suggest to have your tonsils removed at St. George's Hospital either today or tomorrow."

"Okey-dokey. Perhaps we can kill two birds with one stone? My mother-in-law already expressed an interest to have mine implanted."

"I see, right. It's just that your in-law would need to pay separately for the tonsil implantation--the NHS no longer covers this."

 

[Silent Rob]

2. I just didn't realise that hot pants could do that to a man!

 

[Kaiser-Kun]

3. "I swear to you, I never thought to look there for my keys..."

 

[Diver]

4. This is a true story. Really.

Doctor: “All right then, we will schedule the closure of your colostomy asap.”

Patient (looking at hubby): “Can we just leave it a while longer?”

 

[druid12000]

5. "Doc, I have this burning sensation all up and down my arm"

Doctor grabbing a fire extinguisher, "you're on fire you idiot."

Musings of a snowman/woman.

 

[Diver]

5. "Doc, I have this burning sensation all up and down my arm"

Doctor grabbing a fire extinguisher, "you're on fire you idiot."

It reminds me of a joke:

Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I think I’m dying. I’m hurting everywhere. Right here at the top of my head, on the tip of my knee, here all over my tummy. Over here too, at the small of my back and…”

Doctor: “Idiot. Your finger if broken.”


Back to the scene:
1. “That lovely lady is either melting hot, or spring is coming.”