Scenes from a hat!

[archerjoe]

2. Just because you're a grade ahead of me doesn't mean anything, Honey Boo-boo.

 

[Silent Rob]

3. All the other kids will have mullets to, just you wait and see.

 

[poetinahat]

4. Trust me, no matter what the teachers say, it IS a boarding school. Have a great term... See you at Thanksgiving!

 

[Diver]

5. Remember when you said you wanted apply to Mili Tare School? Well, your daddy made a teensy-weensy spelling mistake…

Toilet won’t flush at a dinner party. Host advises guests…

 

[Kaiser-Kun]

1. Who wants to help me collect the Orphans' Recycled Happy Meals?

 

[archerjoe]

2. We're going green! Ladies behind the second tree on the left, gentlemen behind the tree on the right.

 

[poetinahat]

3. Step awaaaaay from the punchbowl

 

[Lavern08]

4. Sorry folks, but we will NOT be dropping the kids off at the pool tonight.

 

[Williebee]

5. Who wants to go meet the neighbors?

Home appliance ideas that just didn't sell.

 

[druid12000]

1. The combination circumcision and cheese grater combo.

 

[Lavern08]

2. The methane-activated bed warmer

 

[sciencewarrior]

3. The three-in-one fridge-scale-treadmill.

 

[Diver]

4. Underwater cinema set: for the ultimate bated breath climax.

 

[druid12000]

Tired of beating your head on the table? And the drywall just doesn't hold up to repeated beatings? Introducing 'The BrickWall'(r)!!! We will send you enough bricks to set up your very own 'Brickwall'(r) so you can bang until you're heart's content or you lose all control of your motor functions! As an added bonus we will throw in a car battery and jumper cables so your loved ones can revive you (add $7.99 for shipping)!! Call now!!

Things you would say to your boss if they wouldn't get you fired.

 

[Diver]

1. "Need a present? I think your wife would rather like the red butt floss panties. In fact, I'm pretty sure."

 

[Kaiser-Kun]

2. Can I take the day off? I already did your work in advance, as always.

 

[Diver]

3. Since I spent the morning in AW when you really wanted me Off Line, I thought I'd go AWOL and kill two birds with one stone.

...sorry, can't sleep...

 

[Lavern08]

4. DANG! You really are as stupid as you look.

 

[druid12000]

5. You're a *&$%#@^%$&*^%ing piece of #@!%$##@#$$%^^&*&^%$% and I wish you would ^&%$#@!ER^((*^&%. Can I have that raise now?

Conversations you don't want to hear while standing in line at the grocery store.

 

[sciencewarrior]

1. It's okay, honey. If you have to let it out, they can clean up later.

 

[iLion]

2. "Hahaha...! This will slow 'em down! I have so many coupons they'll have to pay me to take all these groceries! Why do you suppose these idiots have to read every single little coupon anyway?"

 

[Williebee]

3. Disclaimer: I heard this conversation between a couple of 8-9 year olds at a grocery store.

"Did you bring the pennies?"

"Yeah."

"How many you think we got?"

"I dunno."

 

[poetinahat]

4. "Oh, damn - I know that guy over there from high school - he'll recognise me! Better call this off."

"No way, man, too late now. Get your mask on!"

 

[Kaiser-Kun]

5. I told you to bring your barf bag!


Bad gifts for kids in Halloween

 

[Williebee]

1. A Christmas present. "No, you can't open it yet!"