Scenes from a hat!

[Kaiser-Kun]

2. *half-melted* Hey, are you coming back or what?

 

[druid12000]

*sorry have to go there*
3. "Wonder when the snowblower is coming"
(groan

 

[archerjoe]

4. What difference does it make if the dog is a mutt or a purebred? Just look what he did to me!

 

[Robbert]

5. How I'd love to get married in Las Vegas.

a one-liner from a parent / childhood teaching you about table manners

 

[druid12000]

1. "Get that spoon out of your nose!"

 

[iLion]

2. Now, now, Tommy.... it's not good manners to cram a spoonful of peanut butter into your sister's ear.

 

[archerjoe]

3. Yes, that did sound like a barge and you'll be living on one if you do it again.

 

[druid12000]

4. "If I catch you with your elbows on the table, you have to go outside and run around the house." (That was a family favorite )

 

[Diver]

5. "When I said lick you plate I meant it figuratively."

Father catches son with his car keys. Son answers....

 

[Robbert]

1. You ruined it, honestly. Wanted to surprise you with a sparkling clean car.

 

[druid12000]

2. "I need to get to my anger management class, do you have a problem with that?"

 

[Snowstorm]

3. "Oh, these aren't the house keys!?"

 

[Kaiser-Kun]

4. "Back off pa, or I'll tell everyone how you pretended to lost them to get attention!"

 

[druid12000]

5. "I was going to get some beer so we could bond."

Conversations overheard in a 'gentleman's club'.

 

[archerjoe]

1. I'm only here for the articles.

 

[Robbert]

2. Can we make the amendment to allow for three till girls?

 

[Lavern08]

3. Mom, is that you?!

 

[archerjoe]

4. Those tassels look like a familiar set of keys

 

[Kaiser-Kun]

5. "WASSUUUUPPPP-?"


Bad questions to answer "Whatever"

 

[Diver]

1. "Darling love, which credit card should I use?"

 

[Iggy58]

2. Your next word will be your last.

 

[iLion]

3. Lawyer: Isn't it true that you were in your neighbor's house that very night, her husband came home unexpectedly catching you in bed with his wife, and in the panic of the moment you beat and brutally murdered him?

 

[Kaiser-Kun]

4. what should we call our firstborn...?

 

[Lavern08]

5. Paper or plastic?

Things You Should Never Say to Your Kid on the First Day of School...

 

[Diver]

1. And don't worry about a thing! I've already told all the teachers about your peeing problem.